Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Day 5

I got some sleep last night although not as much as I would have liked. At least I didn't wake up this morning completely exhausted.

No problems this morning with not smoking. I really haven't had many problems at all especially considering the problems I've had trying to quit before. I'm not even going to think if I could do it without the patch. Those suckers are going on every morning.

I had a lot of smoking dreams last night and I woke up feeling guilty.

I don't have any more problems with the patch sticking. They say once you find THE spot it'll always stick and of course mine is on my ass.

Four days, 8 hours, 51 minutes and 25 seconds. 131 cigarettes not smoked, saving $32.77. Life saved: 10 hours, 55 minutes.

That's amazing - almost 4 and a half days and I would smoked 131 cigarettes.

Here I go again.

Not sleeping. I read many times that insomnia can be a withdrawal symptom. That was one symptom I was hoping to avoid. I've had enough insomnia to last me a life time and I was really sleeping so well after the struggles I had with it after my Mom died. It's still something I'm just going to have to deal with because I'm not smoking. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad.

It's been 4 full days. It seems a lot longer then that. It's not because it's so difficult. I think it's just because I'm counting the minutes. The quit meter is good as long as you're not watching it all the time.

School starts tomorrow. A sign that fall is coming. I like when things start getting back to the normal routine.

I really had a pretty easy time today. A couple rough moments but really not that bad. Steve came home and kissed me and the smell was hard to take. I think I'm just a little sensitive to it right now and my sense of smell is returning. I can't believe how much different things smell and how bad cigarette smell is. Brandon and I went to dinner after shopping tonight and there were a bunch of people smoking right outside the door. That was me 5 days ago. The smell was gross. I thought it would smell good and make it hard for me but that wasn't the case at all.

Tomorrow is day 5. It seems like 50. Once I pass a week it won't seem so bad. I have a busy day and night tomorrow. That's good I guess but if I don't fall asleep soon it's not going to be so good.

Four days, 1 hour, 2 minutes and 31 seconds. 121 cigarettes not smoked, saving $30.32. Life saved: 10 hours, 5 minutes.

Good Night.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I forgot to post my stats

Three days, 15 hours, 49 minutes and 54 seconds. 109 cigarettes not smoked, saving $27.44. Life saved: 9 hours, 5 minutes.

Almost 4 days! Wahoo!

Smoke Free

I'm still smoke free and doing ok today. I went back to bed this morning and slept for a couple hours and came in a little late. I felt so much better. I have a hard time functioning when I don't get enough sleep and I'm afraid it will make it harder not to smoke. I'm doing fine though. A few cravings but I can handle them.

The first thing Brandon says when I get home everyday is "Did you smoke". I am always so happy to say no. He really does not want me to smoke anymore and I don't blame him.

It's almost September and I'm ready for fall. That my favorite season.

I can't wait until my first week is up. It's going very quickly. I have my quit smoking group tomorrow night. I'll be glad to report that I quit smoking.

I'm coughing a little today. If I remember right it gets a lot worse then this. I'm looking forward to the day where I don't even think about it anymore and that not smoking is just a way of life. I promise I won't be one of those obnoxious ex-smokes. They are worse then the people that have never smoked. I know Steve is happy about that. I wouldn't have wanted someone to bitch at me to quit and I won't do that to my husband although I really hope he does someday.

No one could have ever made me quit smoking when I wasn't ready. My Mom said for years that she would never quit smoking. I never asked her to I just told her I wish she would cut down because I was worried about her health. It's hard to lecture someone when you smoke also. I knew that my Mom's smoking wasn't good but no matter how much we all loved her and wanted her to be here with us we could not make her quit smoking and the same goes for any one else. I want my husband to quit smoking because I worry about his health as I did my own. I hope he is ready to quit soon.

Day 4

I didn't sleep well last night so I'm very tired this morning. I have so much to do at work and a lot to do after work. It's very important for me to get enough rest. I feel awful right now. Maybe I can get out of work a little earlier and take a little snooze.

I'm excited to be on day 4 though.

I'll post more later.

Three days, 7 hours, 59 minutes and 29 seconds. 99 cigarettes not smoked, saving $24.99. Life saved: 8 hours, 15 minutes.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Almost 3 full days - Yahoo!

At 10:30 it will 3 full days and I'm not having any problems. I will not let this give me a false sense of security about quitting though. No matter how good I feel or how easy it seems I am going through the 10 week patch program. I hear that's one of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking they don't need the patch anymore. I think I'm on this one for 3 weeks before I step down to the next level. I'll have to check on that.

It feels so good and I feel proud of myself as corny as that sounds. After 27 years and 8 tries to quit I think this is the one baby.

I probably shouldn't be so sure of myself after only 3 days. A couple times I quit I made it like 8 or 10 weeks or something like that. This time is different but I don't want to get too confident. That's when it sneaks up and grabs you by the ass. Wham, you're sucking on swamp gas again. So I'm still taking it one day at a time and staying focused.

I keep reminding myself about losing my mother. How I felt like an orphan at 42. How devastated my children were and the fact that I was hoping for another 20 years with her. How my siblings and I were completely heartbroken and I truly could not grasp the fact that my Mom was gone forever. I'm not naive, I know that everyone is going to die someday, that's just part of life. I do however think that trying to live a healthier life can give us more time with the people we love. My Moms death was sudden. Completely unexpected and it knocked me to hell and back.

I'm doing this for my Mom and my family that I love dearly and for myself.

Two days, 21 hours, 0 minutes and 29 seconds. 86 cigarettes not smoked, saving $21.56. Life saved: 7 hours, 10 minutes.

My Throat is starting to clog.

As gross as it is it's part of the process. It just reminds me that my lungs are trying to heal. I have to present at a meeting on Wednesday and I really hope my throat isn't too bad. I hate doing that anyway and I certainly don't want to be self conscious about clearing my throat.

I'm staying strong though and feeling really good. I love seeing those minutes rack up on the quit meter. A quit meter is something that you install on your PC and it tracks your time since you have quit and the money that you have saved, how many cigarettes you haven't smoked and the amount of your life that you've saved. I pasted a screen shot of the meter that I use. There's many available.

Still doing great.

I've had a few cravings at work but really not too bad. I'm happy about that. I think it's raining out.

Never Again:
  • Never again do I have to be anxious about the weather and how I'm going to go out and smoke.
  • Never again do I have to come back in with my hair wet and sticky from the rain and hair spray.
  • Never again do I have feel uncomfortable when someone sees me out there in a snow storm and an umbrella looking like an idiot.
  • Never again do I have to stand out there while my nose hairs are frozen so I can have a sickening cigarette.
  • Never again do I have to rush to the bathroom before a meeting and wash my hands and rinse my mouth and hope that no one in there can smell the smoke on me.
  • Never again do I have to feel like if I don't quit smoking it's going to kill me.
  • Never again will I be talking with someone and start hacking my brains out and clear my throat.

Now I can Breathe:

  • Now I can Breathe Again.
  • Now I can smell like a woman is supposed to smell.
  • Now I can kiss my son good night and he doesn't turn his head because I know he smells the rotten stench of what smells like a dirty ashtray.
  • Now I can fly without feeling like I'm going to have an anxiety attack before we land and I can have another gross, disgusting, foul smelling cigarette.
  • Now I don't have to feel like I might die from this and leave my children without a mother.
  • Now I feel like I will be here to enjoy and have enough breath to play with my future grandchildren.
  • Now I can live

Two days, 13 hours, 3 minutes and 23 seconds. 76 cigarettes not smoked, saving $19.08. Life saved: 6 hours, 20 minutes.

Struggling a little this morning but not too bad.

Since this is the first work day since I stopped smoking I think it's just the routine thing. It's not too bad but I am noticing more cravings this morning.

My lungs feel good. I can't believe how easy this has been. I don't think it's because of the patch because I've used it several times before when quitting and it wasn't easy. I guess they are right when they say 90% of it is up here (pointing to my brain). : )

I hope it goes as well at work today.

Day 3

I'm doing well. Im not smoking and sleeping like a freakin baby. Things are starting to smell and taste different. My coffee tastes totally different in the morning.

What a great feeling to be not smoking after sooooo many years.

Two days, 8 hours, 17 minutes and 8 seconds. 70 cigarettes not smoked, saving $17.59. Life saved: 5 hours, 50 minutes.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Still going strong

One day, 21 hours, 2 minutes and 58 seconds. 56 cigarettes not smoked, saving $14.07. Life saved: 4 hours, 40 minutes.

almost 2 days. The only time I crave a cigarette is when something gets a little stressful. It's not enough to smoke a cigarette but I can feel that craving at that time. Luckily it passes quickly.

I do worry that if a very stressful situation happens how I will handle it. Hopefully not with smoking. I should come up with a plan before something comes up either at work or home. I'll have to think about that one. Maybe that's when I'll have a piece of gum.

I'm feeling good, very little coughing but I know the cough will get worse at some point. I was very tired today for some reason. I didn't get lot done and I'm not happy about that. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel on the 2nd day of quitting smoking. Is it normal to nap a lot or should I be just staying busy and working like a dog. Who knows, I do know that nap today was pretty darn good. : )

I am sooooo excited to not be smoking.

I will never ever ever have another cigarette.

Brandon is so excited too. He'll come into the den and I'll say I'm on my second day and he gives me a high five. Just the happy look on his face because I told him I will never smoke again is priceless. I can't disappoint him or myself.

Getting Lots of Rest.

After my last post I went to go do some work and I laid down and fell asleep and took a 3 hour nap. I love those kind of naps. It's pretty easy to get through the withdrawal when you're napping. Unfortunately I can't take a month long nap. : )

Actually I am very surprised at how well I'm doing. Really not a lot of cravings or withdrawal symptoms. I hope it stays this easy.

I have a little bit of coughing but that's really not bad either.

I am just so ready.

One day, 15 hours, 35 minutes and 23 seconds. 49 cigarettes not smoked, saving $12.37. Life saved: 4 hours, 5 minutes.

I Feel Free

It's such a good feeling to not have cigarettes control me even though it's just the 2nd day. Addiction is such a controlling thing and I don't like not having control over my own life. It took me 27 years to do it but I will not let this thing control me ever again. I know I'm still on the patch of course but for now at least it's on my ass instead of swamp gas and formaldehyde going into my lungs and it's only for 10 weeks.

I got a nice encouraging email from my brother John. It makes me feel good that he is so supportive. He said that Mom would be so proud of me and even just that would be enough to keep me going.

My mother in-law and I are supporting each other and it helps. She said she reads the blog every day and it helps her. I like that it helps. It helps me when I write it and her when she reads it. She struggling on her 2nd day but she's going cold turkey. I can't do that, I wish I could. We can both do it I know we can.

My body is sore from so much work yesterday. I am sooooo out of shape. I'm going to get right back to it though and I'm hoping to run on the treadmill today. I use a portable DVD player and slide it in the magazine rack on the treadmill and put the head phones on. I really enjoy it (sometimes). I subscribe to netflix and it's great. I watch a movie and throw it in the mail. While I'm watching the other one a new one comes. Today I have a choice of 21 grams with Sean Penn (I love Sean Penn) or the Ice storm which could be a little sad.

Back to work.

Day Two.

I slept well, I was very afraid of not sleeping. I don't feel any bad withdrawal symptoms. Actually I feel pretty darn good. I'm not coughing or clearing my throat. Life is good. : )

One day, 9 hours, 18 minutes and 56 seconds. 41 cigarettes not smoked, saving $10.41. Life saved: 3 hours, 25 minutes.

The day is over

Finally! It's been more then 24 hours and I'm anxious to go to bed and have this day behind me. I'm going to shower and hit the hay. My Mom must have been looking over me today because it wasn't easy.

One day, 21 minutes and 59 seconds. 30 cigarettes not smoked, saving $7.61. Life saved: 2 hours, 30 minutes.

It actually says one day!!!!!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Still going strong.

21 hours, 34 minutes and 22 seconds. 26 cigarettes not smoked, saving $6.74. Life saved: 2 hours, 10 minutes.

Almost a full day since I've had a cigarette. No matter how I felt today it was never enough to want to have a cigarette. I hope it lasts. I don't want to ever smoke again.

I get these very quick cravings. It's almost like this feeling comes over me but it passes very quickly. I'm on my third patch today. This one went on my hip and it's staying on. I'll have to make sure Nancy knows about it.

The guys are watching the race (NASCAR) and eating dinner (Pot roast and veggies) so I have the evening to myself. More housework. Fun!

I hope I can sleep tonight.

What I'm really enjoying is a deep breath. When I have a rough moment I think of my Mom. I miss her so much. It's been 5 months and I still wonder what I'm going to do without her. There's no one in this world like your Mom. That makes me think that's what my children would think if anything happened to me. OK, enough sadness. I know she's looking over me and giving me the strength to quit smoking and be here for my kids and grandkids(someday). 42 seems way too young to be a grandmother but I find myself hoping that I'll have one some day soon. I should have had another baby. Could I actually handle 20 more years??? Naw, grand kids sound so much better.

Ok, I promised myself that I would stick to quit smoking issues.

We got so much work done on the house today. I should have quit smoking the day we moved in. I can remember going to the doctors with my Mom in November and he asked me if I had any concerns. I said I'm very worried about her fatigue. She is tired all the time. He said it's because she smokes too much. Looking back there was a lot more reasons for the fatigue but I'm sure that smoking will cause it as well. I've had a lot more energy today. I don't know if not smoking is giving me energy or if I'm just edgy and uptight as a withdrawal symptom. Either way as I exercise more my energy should come back.

This is a long post but it keeps my fingers busy. Back to work!

I'm feeling better.

I talked to John and we laughed a lot and he made me feel better, (Thank you John). I also got back to work and feel a lot better.

My patch is falling off but I'm not going to bitch about that. Nancy does enough of that for both of us. I just need to find the right place and I'm peeling very very bad from the sunburn at Wendy's after the reunion so that limits my patch spots. This is the 2nd one I've had on today. Tomorrow it's going on my ass. LOL.

18 hours, 37 minutes and 10 seconds. 23 cigarettes not smoked, saving $5.82. Life saved: 1 hour, 55 minutes.

I'm starting to freak out a little but nothing I can't handle.

I tried laying down but that didn't help. I'm very tired though. I have to just get myself moving. I'm getting a little cranky with Steve and he asked me if I wanted him to help me work or go for a motorcycle ride. I told him to go for a ride.

Brandon's at work and Steve went for a ride so now I can just be cranky with my self. I feel like kicking something. Maybe I'll just bitch slap myself. LOL

My lungs feel good though and I have no desire to smoke.

16 hours, 11 minutes and 57 seconds. 20 cigarettes not smoked, saving $5.06. Life saved: 1 hour, 40 minutes.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Even though I'm posting a lot today I'm getting a lot done at home. I feel like I have a lot of energy.

I haven't had any nicotine gum. I don't want to use it unless I have to. I've heard of people giving up cigarettes and being addicted to the gum for many years.

I thought I would be in a foul mood today but nothing so far. I'm still getting nicotine through the patch though. Whatever works I guess.

Brandon said he saw on the news that someone came up with a laser treatment that works right away and you never pick up another cigarette. They said that about hypnosis too and that didn't work for us.

13 hours, 25 minutes and 22 seconds. 16 cigarettes not smoked, saving $4.19. Life saved: 1 hour, 20 minutes.

That's more then a half of a day (even though 7 of it I was sleeping).

My cough is pretty good this morning. I remember though when quitting before that your lungs start to clear out and the cough becomes terrible. I think it's at about 2 to 4 weeks. That is not a fun part.

Back to work.

Hours and Minutes

I'll be glad when my quit meter is counting days and weeks instead of hours.

12 hours, 25 minutes and 37 seconds. 15 cigarettes not smoked, saving $3.88. Life saved: 1 hour, 15 minutes.


Stayin Busy

I've been busy all morning and it helps. I scrubbed the mud room with pine'sol and painted the trim and it is clean and smoke free. I'm doing some stuff around the house and then I'm going out to scrub my car. The garage is off limits to me because Steve smokes down there. Today he's been going way out back though.

Steve hid all his cigarettes last night. If fact when I went to have one at 10:30 mine were gone too. He's so funny. He gave me one, we went to bed and I dreamed about quitting all night. I had my patches on my night stand and I was so afraid that I was going to forget to put one on this morning that I put my glasses in the package so I had to go in there to get them. It's so funny the games we have to play with our own minds to do something this difficult.

I thought I would miss it but I haven't so far. Of course it's only been 10 hours'ish. It's kind of funny but I'm very excited about being smoke free. I have 10 weeks of patches and stepping down from one strength to the next. It's 10 weeks total. Other times I thought I could handle it and never finished the 10 weeks and that is a big mistake. They even say that in the group. I will finish the whole ten weeks whether I think I need it or not. I'm not taking any chances this time.

A new women in the group says she cuts straws and puts them in a cigarette pack and grabs one to chew when she gets that urge. That's a pretty good idea but I don't think I'll do that. I don't even want to touch a pack no matter what's in it.

There's no foul language yet so that's good. Check back with me later though. : )

10 hours, 48 minutes and 40 seconds. 13 cigarettes not smoked, saving $3.38. Life saved: 1 hour, 5 minutes.

I've had my last cigarette for ever

I had my last cigarette last night at about 10:30. I was going to stay up and smoke until midnight but I was too tired. : )

I have my patch on and I'm havin my coffee and I'm feelin strong.

Steve is outside smoking and it's not bothering me at all. I really hope that feeling stays with me.

9 hours, 10 minutes and 26 seconds. 11 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2.86. Life saved: 55 minutes.

Friday, August 26, 2005

I'll have my last cigarette by Midnight

Yikes. That's 9 hours and 50 minutes. Oh wait, that's 9 hours and 49 minutes.

A New Quit Date

I'm going to quit tomorrow. There's no reason for me to wait. I have nothing planed between now and the 6th so I should just do it and get it over with. I'm scared. : )

My Mother In-Law is going to quit with me. She only smokes a few a day and only picks it up during a stressful situation which is the same reason why most of us started again after quitting. It's just as hard for her after not smoking for years and then smoking for a month or two. We will support each other. If anyone else wants to join us then send me an email at or leave a comment on the BLOG.

I've probably had a half of a pack this morning and I haven't enjoyed one of them so why put it off. A friend at work just found out today that her Mother In-Law has cancer. Every time I hear of another case I cringe.

I have the patch and the gum ready. How can I be so nervous about quitting something so bad. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

If you don't like foul language then you may want to skip tomorrows BLOG.

Wish me luck!!!!!


I smoked about a pack. I was doing so well cutting down last week but now I think I'm just going to have to put a patch on and hope for the best. I'll keep trying to cut down before I quit. My cough is really bad. I have to quit this time, somehow. I have to find the strength. As soon as I quit I'm getting back on the treadmill. I try to now but I don't have the energy some days. The smoke just sucks the life out of me, literally.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Less then 2 weeks

It's less then 2 weeks until my quit date and I'm psych'ing myself up again to get ready for the quit. My cough is bad again and I'm constantly clearing my throat. I know it'll take a long time to actually get rid of both of those problems but it'll keep getting better from the moment I quit.

I do feel a little nervous about it and I wasn't feeling like that last week. Sometimes I guess when you're ready maybe you should just do it. I'll be ready by the 6th. It'll be painful but so what. You just have to look deep inside and find the strength. I know it's in there.

The group should be good tonight. I think it'll give me motivation. I have the patches and gum sitting on my counter so I can see them every day.

Another key is to not gain weight. I've gained 30 pounds since my Mother died and I can't afford another ounce. In fact I have to focus on getting some of it off while I'm not smoking. Again, it's not going to be easy but it comes down to quality of life. I'm 42 and I ask myself how do I want to live the rest of my life. What I do know is that I don't want to be smoking and I don't want to be fat.

Is this what they call a mid life crisis? Probably. My children are almost grown. 2 more years and my son will go to college. That starts a new chapter in my life. I want to be healthy during that chapter.

I didn't count my cigarettes this morning so I don't know what I've smoked. I need to get back on track. I'll update after my meeting tonight.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Ok lets try this again.

We had a wonderful family reunion this weekend and now it's time to re-focus again. I think I'm at a pack or a little under a day. My quit date is still September 6th.

It was wonderful to see all my family together for a happy occasion. I wish my Mom could have been there. All I can think is that had she not smoked she would have been there. I didn't let that make the reunion sad for me but it's just another reason to quit.

I can't wait until next year. I love and miss my family very much.

Tomorrow is my smoking group and I have to tell them that I'm back at 1 pack a day. When I was there last week my average was 5 to 10 a day. I'm not discouraged by it though. This is the reason I didn't want to quit before the reunion. Had I quit and I was smoking a pack a day that would have been a different story. I'll try and cut down tomorrow. I'll start with 18 in my pack and see how that goes.

Thursday, August 18, 2005


We're leaving for the Reunion tomorrow and I'm getting a little stressed. I've smoked about 10 cigarettes today so far. I'm not going to worry about it too much for the next few days until we get back from New York.

I'm looking forward to seeing my family.

I'll post when I get back.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

7 for the day

I thought I could just have 5 but it's very hard when I get home. I had one after dinner and one before my quit smoking meeting and one after. That's still not bad for the day. My lungs feel so good, I can only imagine how they will feel once I've quit. I put 5 in a pack for tomorrow and I hope to not go over that.

The group was really good tonight. There was about 15 people there and the guy with lung cancer gives me motivation. He talked tonight about going through chemo and radiation and surgery all the while he was still smoking. Very very scary. He suggested a field trip to Dana Farber cancer institute. I don't think they are going to do that but I would like to go myself. Maybe Steve will go with me.

We have the reunion this weekend so I have no idea how that will go.

I'm done smoking for the night and hopefully soon I'll be done forever.

I had one.

It's 4:00 and I gave in and had a cigarette. That's 4 so far today. I was really hoping to get through the day and not have one. It actually made me a little sick.

I still haven't had one

It's 2:00 and I still haven't had a cigarette since 8:00 am this morning. I've had a few withdrawals but nothing too bad. I walked a couple miles at lunch time and I feel great. It's a lot harder at home so we'll see what happens after I leave here.

I'm still keeping my quit date for 9/6 and I'll see what I can do about quitting on my own from now until then. If I haven't quit by that time I will put a patch on.

This time is different!

I've had 3 cigarettes this morning and I really did not want them. I can't stop thinking about how my Mom died. It makes me sad but it also makes me not want to smoke. I know that if we set our mind to it that it can be done. When I got pregnant with my son I never picked up another cigarette from the time I found out until after he was born. I don't even remember any withdrawal symptoms. Thinking about how my wonderful Mother died is giving me that same courage.

I'm going to see how long I can go without a cigarette today and see what happens. I have the rubber band on my wrist that I snap when it gets too bad. I don't know what to expect and I might get sick. I also might find that I can't do it and I need the patch. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

It's getting a little easier

I had 14 cigarettes yesterday. I'm happy with that. I'm still sleeping well. I've heard that insomnia is a withdrawal symptom.

I put 14 cigarettes in my pack this morning and I've had two and didn't enjoy them. Some days I wonder if I could actually do this without patches and gum but I'll play it by ear.

I hope I have a good day today. I'm going to walk at work if I get edgy. I'm looking forward to the group tonight although there's one woman who is extremely obnoxious.

I'll post more later.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

It's been a good day

It's 8:00 and I've smoked 12 cigarettes. That's pretty darn good. I'm getting a little cranky though. I had one a little while ago and hacked my brains out. I'm not sure why. I can feel the withdrawal from cutting down so much but at the same time I really don't want a cigarette. What is up with that??? Let's see if it lasts.

The stats in the last post are very alarming.

I'm hoping to not have any more tonight but I may end up having one more. I have my group tomorrow night and I'll be happy to report to them that I have cut way down. I hope I can do the same tomorrow.

I am extremely fatigued. I'm sure it has something to do with cutting down on my smoking so much. I was so agitated at work today that I couldn't sit still and now I'm so tired I could fall asleep on my key board and I usually can't even fall asleep in bed. : )

Scary Stats

Smoking related deaths account for more than double the number of deaths each year for murder, suicide, auto accidents, AIDS, illegal drugs, alcohol, breast cancer, leukemia and birth defects combined!

My Cough is Better

To some people 18 cigarettes may seem like a lot but my chest and my cough feel a lot better. I must have been smoking way too much. I'm just going to shoot for 18 today again and hopefully it'll be a little less then that.

Update: I decided to take 2 more cigarettes out of my pack and shoot for 16 today. I'm keeping my cigarettes in my trunk so I didn't have one on the way to work and it's harder for me to have one during the day. I think this will help.

I'm actually breathing better and it makes me long to be smoke free. On the first day of not smoking I'm going to buy myself the prettiest smelling hand cream I can find.

I'll update more later.

Glamour Shot

A big reason not to smoke.

Quitting smoking is hard...

But I read that having cancer is harder.

It's tough because I have to focus almost every minute of every day to trying not to smoke. Once I'm on the patch it's even worse. There's a guy in the group that quit Christmas day so he's quit about 8 months. He says he still craves cigarettes every day although it does get a little better. He also smoked 3 packs a day and I'm not sure if that makes a difference but I would assume that it does.

I smoked the last two and I'm going to bed so I don't have any more.

18 is still not bad considering what I was smoking.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Yeah baby, that's what I'm talkin bout.

I've had 16 cigarettes so far today. Not bad! That's down from 30 or more a day. It's about 7:40 and I have 2 left. There should be absolutely no reason why I can't get through the day with 18 cigarettes.

After work we had some errands to do and I stopped and got the gum and patches. Yikes! It's getting closer. I know I can do it. It has got to work this time.

I can't believe how expensive that stuff is.

Never quit quitting. It only takes one successful try. I hope this one is it. I was trying to think how long I've been trying to quit and I remember Steve and I trying 10 years ago. I think I try every couple years.

Even if I smoke these last two I am not going to open a pack until morning. I'll post one last time before I go to bed. 16 so far is really good. That makes me not want to have one.

Plan of Attack!!!

  1. Attend Quit smoking group
  2. Set quit date
  3. Update BLOG every day even if it's a bad update.
  4. Clean all areas that you have smoked in before your quit date
  5. Buy patches and gum
  6. Always wear a rubber band on your wrist - It was suggested that if you wear a rubber band on your wrist and you snap it when you have a bad craving it will distract you enough so the moment will pass. I never tried this one before but it sounds like it could work.
  7. Each time the craving gets bad either get on the treadmill at home or go for a walk at work. I have found that this helps with clearing the lungs as well.
  8. Look into acupuncture.
  9. Change schedule. I'm not sure exactly how to do this but the key is just to stay busy. What's that saying, idle hands something or other. Or is that Idle minds??? Either way, I can't have anything be idle.
  10. As little caffeine as possible.
  11. I need to exercise every single day (I know I said that one but I really mean it : ))

I'll add more as I think of them.

Not doing too bad today.

I just came in from having a butt(that's what Steve calls cigarettes). I'm feeling guilty each time I have one and that's a good sign. Morning's are the hardest for me so I have to do something to help me not smoke so much in the morning. I had a thought though, I think I should keep my cigarettes in my trunk and that will make it harder for me to have one. I think that will help if I actually do it. That way I can't give in while I'm driving unless I pull over and get one out of the trunk.

I started with 18 cigarettes in my pack. Let's hope that's all I smoke.

It's getting closer to quit day.

I smoked 22 cigarettes yesterday. I didn't even want the last 3 or 4 so I'm really not sure why I smoked them. I will do better today. My cough was ok this morning until I had a few cigarettes, then it got bad again.

I can't wait until quit day. I'm not sure why, maybe I just don't like the anticipation. God knows I'm not a patient person. If I want to do something I would just rather do it and get it over with.

I haven't bought the patches and gum yet. I should do that today after work. I tried all the resources I could think of to get the patches paid for but I didn't have any luck. I checked my health insurance, prescription plan but they don't have much of a plan to help pay for smoking aids. Our parent company is a pharmaceutical distribution company, you would think they would offer something to help it's employee's quit smoking. Oh well, of course I'm going to do it anyway but it would have been nice to be able to save that money.

Today I'm going to come up with a plan that will help me quit smoking. They say to change any routine that you would associate with smoking. For me that would be just about everything.

I keep reading about all the poisons in cigarettes. They say there is swamp gas in them. What in the hell is swamp gas???? : ) and I can't believe I'm sucking in swamp gas every day. How about Ammonia (toilet cleaner), mmmmm yummy. And my favorite, formaldehyde!!! Maybe that's so they don't have to use as much after smoking kills us. I have the entire list hanging on my wall next to my monitor at work. I should do the same at home.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

I do a lot of reading about it.

I keep reading smoking related stories that help me stay focused on quitting smoking. It has to become an obsession in order for it to work for me. Some of the stories are very sad and some are success storied. It seems that most smokers that quit or are trying to quit were motivated by the death of a parent due to smoking. The death was life changing as it was for me. It changes the way you think about life in general. Of course there are a lot of other people that quit that haven't lost a parent but those are the ones I keep reading about.

So far today I have smoked 18 cigarettes. I'm really hoping to not go over a pack. If I can keep it at 20 butts today then I'll put 18 in a pack tomorrow and make sure I don't go over that. It should be easier during the week, you would think it would be anyway.

I put a couple links on the right side of the page that are quit smoking stories.

I'll post more tomorrow.

Feeling a little better.

I feel better today from having a light smoking day yesterday. I might change my quit date to a little sooner then the 6th. If we don't go away for labor day weekend I'll start before the 6th.

I'm still coughing of course but it's nothing like it was yesterday. Steve smokes more then I do and I asked him why his cough isn't as bad as mine. He thinks because he's more active and that makes sense. I worry that it makes me more susceptible to lung cancer or emphysema. I'm not being paranoid or a hypercondriac. I'm just being realistic because it can happen to anyone.

Did I say something in a previous log that I would keep it light hearted??? I did, but I have to remind myself why I need to do this. I wish everyone I loved would do it too.

The log helps me tremendously. Other times when I have quit I've sent very long emails talking about quitting smoking and how I'm feeling. I realized that it helps me to write about it. I figured instead of boring or bothering people with long depressing emails I should start a blog and it helps so much. That way if anyone wants to read about it they can and if not that's ok and they're not forced to read about it in long rambling emails.

22 more days until I quit. I can't wait. I hope I feel that way on quit day.

I have a feeling that the quit day log will not be very nice and may have a few not so nice words in it. I know my wonderful mother in-law is reading this so I hope it's not too bad. : )

I'll post again tonight.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I did better today

I probably didn't smoke a half pack today. I think that's because I smoked my brains out last night. I hope I can do as well tomorrow.

My cough and my chest feel a little better.

Before I quit I need to scrub the mud room which is where we smoke if we're not smoking outside. I need to do the same with my car. Steve promised me he would not smoke anywhere around me and that will help a lot and maybe that will help him cut down a little.

Richard brought more Cigarettes tonight. He's a friend that drives to New Hampshire to get his own cigarettes and buys ours while he's there. He saves us a lot of money by doing that for us. If I'm slowly killing myself by smoking at least I can do it a little cheaper. : )

I feel confident that I can smoke less then a pack tomorrow. I get a little anxious as the quit day gets nearer. If I can get through 10 weeks of the nicotine replacement therapy I know I can do it. I've heard that when some people quit they do a lot of sleeping. That wouldn't be a bad thing either. I can't remember how I reacted in previous attempts.

Trying to cut down but not doing so well

Last night was one of the "events" that I was talking about. We had a wedding to go to and I knew it would be a tough one. I smoked more then a pack, I'm not sure how much. Steve, being the gentleman that he is, always lights me a cigarette when we're out together.

This morning my head hurts, my chest hurts, my throat hurts and my cough is really bad from smoking too much. I can't wait to quit.

Next weekend is our first family reunion and I know there's no way I could try and quit before that time. I think 95% of my family smokes. I would have to avoid everyone that smokes and that would kind of defeat the purpose of going to a family reunion.

23 More days until I quit.

You really should think about trying to quit with me. You can call me on the phone when it gets bad. We can get healthy together. Think about it. The patch works well.

Steve is thinking about quitting as well but he's not ready. If we're not ready it's not going to work.

I'm ready.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Not a Sad Site

I don't want this to be a site that when people read or I read that it makes us feel sad. There will be sad moments but quitting smoking is a good thing. Being healthier is a good thing. So I'm going to try and make it as light hearted as possible. Maybe it's easy for me to say that now since I haven't actually quit yet. : )

24 days left before I quit.

I would actually like to quit now but I have events coming up that would make it harder for me. I want to get through these events and then quit. I don't want anything to risk a failure.

I didn't do as well as I hoped last night. I probably smoked a little over a pack. I need to get it down to no more then a pack a day and I hope to have it at 15 cigarettes by the time I quit. I opened a pack first thing this morning so I won't lose count on how many I smoke.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

My Smoking History and Reasons for Quitting

1st Entry:
This BLOG is dedicated to my Mom who died in March.

Like a lot of other smokers I started smoking as a teenager. At the time, smoking was cool and everyone I knew smoked. I never knew what I was getting myself into. I used to enjoy smoking. Now it's ruining my life. I cough every morning and actually through-out the day, I'm winded when I try to exercise and I hate the way I smell. It's not glamorous anymore. It's disgusting.

My Mother died in March of 05 of heart disease. She was a smoker for more then 50 years. She died at age 66. She was my friend as well as my Mom and my heart will always ache for her. There are no guarantees in life but I believe that if my Mother never smoked she would be alive today.

I need to quit smoking for my health and my family. I want to live to see my grandchildren and I don't ever want my children to feel the pain of losing their mother at such a young age the way that I have.

Having tried quitting several times I pretty much know the drill now. Pick a quit date, change your habits, blah blah blah.

I smoke 1 and a half packs a day and I have been smoking since I was 15. That's 27 years of poison in my body. I keep asking myself. How the hell am I going to quit a 27 year habit??? All I know is I have to.

My quit date is September 6th. I joined a support group last night and I'll be using the patch and gum. In the meantime I am trying to cut down and trying to not smoke in the car and will continue in the support group each Wednesday. I already don't smoke in the house so I hope that will at least make it even just the slightest bit easier. I will post each night to show my progress or lack of. I may be the only one that ever reads this site but that's ok. I know it can help. If anyone reading this has any suggestions please post a comment. I can use all the help I can get.

At the support group last night there was a man that announced that he was 1 year cancer free. He had lung cancer from smoking. The crazy thing was I heard him say that he was on his 2 day of quitting. I hear stories like that all the time. That proves what control this has over peoples lives. It's almost like they would rather die then give up smoking. I don't want to be one of those people.

Today so far I've smoked less then a pack. If I can get through the night and have 1 or 2 more I will have smoked a pack or less. That's progress already.

This time I will do it.!