Thursday, October 20, 2005

What can I say...

I am smoking again. There's just too much going on right now for me to focus on it. I admit that I'm weak but I'm not giving up. I'll get there again.

My throat feels like crap and my breathing is bad. I went for a physical the other day and passed with flying colors. I guess I'm healthy at the moment. Hopefully I can quit someday while I'm still healthy.

I'm thinking of trying again on Monday. We'll see!

I feel like I have that smell again. That awful stale stench of an ashtray. How appealing. Even though I'm smoking at the moment I think I'll continue to write. It helps with stress and my struggle to get back to being a non-smoker. It's so easy sometimes to forget why we were doing this in the first place.

Heather was supposed to fly into Key West this weekend for vacation and to see my brother but it looks like it'll be postponed. How crazy is this weather??? I'm just glad that she didn't get there before the hurricane hit. Now I just hope my brother evacuates.

It's been an exhausting day and week. I can't believe it's only Wednesday. I need a vacation. I think I'll wait until after hurricane season.

That's it for tonight considering I'm too tired to type.

Note to Ellen: I'm so sorry to hear about you Mother in Law. You are so strong to be able to get through such a tragedy and not smoke. My best to you and your whole family.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Feeling a little weary...

I was very tired when I first quit smoking. I wonder after smoking for a few days if it's having the same affect. I don't know but I sure could use a nap.

I had one piece of nico gum today but I really don't like it. I think I'll only use it in an extreme emergency. It actually makes me a little nauseous.

I'm still not smoking though and I don't want one. I hope I don't slip every few weeks, that would not be good.

I have a lot of throat clearing and a bit of a headache today. Did I mention that I need a nap? : )

My eating is going so so. Yesterday I had a really good diet day but then I couldn't sleep and I got up and had cookies and milk. I went back to bed and slept like a baby. So you can see how hard it is to fight eating at night. Most times it puts me right to sleep and at the time that's all I care about, sleep!

Today I brought healthy food to work. I had a cup of kashi with a handful of blueberries for breakfast, a half of a turkey sandwich and 1 yogurt for lunch and a plum. That would have been really good had I not bought 2 bags of chips from the vending machine sometime after lunch. It's so much harder for me when I'm tired.

I'm sooooooo glad I'm not smoking though. I think if I was going to smoke again this last slip would have done me in. I think it would be easier if my husband didn't smoke of course because I really don't think I would have run to the store for a pack of cigarettes during that last episode. Hopefully some day he will quit.

I don't know how to count my quit. They really focus on that at the group that I haven't been to in 3 weeks. They probably think I started smoking again. Anyway, it's going on 7 weeks from when I first quit. Do I start all over? If we're on a diet and have been doing great for 6 weeks and we eat a whole cake all by ourselves does that diet start over or do we just throw up and move on? I say throw up and move on!

I'm moving on...I'm much happier when I'm not smoking and I'm obnoxiously happy when I'm exercising. So what's the freakin problem girl. Step away from the cigarettes and get my fat ass on the treadmill! Not tonight though 'cause I'm really tired. : ) I'll do it tomorrow I promise.

Going Strong

I'm glad I don't feel guilty about my "slip" if you want to call it that. Smoking has totally lost everything that it gave me before (except mucus). I know that was gross.

I don't know whether I should start over counting or lose a few days...I think I'm just going to not smoke. I don't even care what day it is.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Ok I'm still trying

I didn't enjoy smoking at all. I didn't smoke a lot compared to what I used to smoke but my throat is raw and my lungs and chest feel like shit. I woke up this morning and said ok Tammy just get your shit together, so I am.

I put on a 14 mg patch. If I freak out today I'll either have a piece of gum or run to the store and get the 21 mg.

I have realized that I really hate smoking and it's not helping anything. I have to get my weight under control too and somehow I will do it if it kills me.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Stepping down

I step down to the next patch on Sunday. I have one more 21 mg for tomorrow. I'm a little nervous but grateful to be going to the next faze in my quit smoking "adventure". It feels good to be still not smoking and I'm able to remember vividly how my lungs and chest felt before I quit and it makes it easier to stay quit. I remember in past attempts how easy it was to forget why I had quit smoking. I think when we want something so bad like a cigarette we seem to be able to justify having one. I'm not going through that this time. Although I had one slip it has not affected my determination to quit and I no longer feel guilty about it. I feel good that it didn't make me start smoking again.

I have a few stresses in my life right now but nothing I can't handle and nothing that will make me smoke. My lungs are really clearing up and the clogging is getting much much better. I spoke with one person that said it took them about a month before that cleared up and I spoke with another that said it took 3 months. I'm sure it depends on the person. My lungs are doing great at 6 weeks but I can tell they are still healing and things are starting to grow back(from what I've read).

My life is very good. Sometime we get a few curve balls but it makes life interesting I guess. As long as they don't happen during PMS I can handle anything. LOL

I've been very tired this week. For a while I was eating better and started exercising again and my energy level soared. I got side tracked and my eating has been bad this week and I haven't been on the treadmill at all and I'm so tired. It's funny how that works. I have read that for years and it couldn't be more true. If we don't smoke, eat right and exercise we will feel better. Now they have to come up with a trick to stick to the program. At least I'm still not smoking and I'm still working on the other two. I'll get there.

The quit meter counts a little different then I do but tomorrow is 6 weeks and I'm so happy to be there.

One month, one week, two days, 10 hours, 15 minutes and 3 seconds. 1212 cigarettes not smoked, saving $303.20. Life saved: 4 days, 5 hours, 0 minutes.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I wanted one but didn't give in.

I've had a few bad cravings the last couple days but I haven't given in. I hope the cravings go away soon. I still feel strong though. The thoughts of going back to smoking is disgusting to me. My throat and lungs were so bad when I quit and luckily I'm able to remember that each time I want one.

One month, one week, one day, 10 hours, 9 minutes and 9 seconds. 1182 cigarettes not smoked, saving $295.67. Life saved: 4 days, 2 hours, 30 minutes.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Still Smoke free

It's been a crazy week and I haven't had much time to post but I wanted to let everyone know I'm still smoke free. Things are a little stressful right now but I am determined to not smoke!!!!!

One month, four days, 22 hours, 32 minutes and 59 seconds. 1078 cigarettes not smoked, saving $269.54. Life saved: 3 days, 17 hours, 50 minutes.

Monday, October 03, 2005

A great Weekend

I had a great smoke free weekend. Heather and Rocco were here for the weekend and Brandon and Steve went on their dirt bike trip. Heather and Rocco smoke but of course they went outside. I didn't have a hard time at all. I'm working on my sixth week and will be starting the next patch on Saturday.

My throat still clogs but it appears to be at certain times. I try to figure out if there is a connection to the times that my throat is bad. I'll just try to pay more attention to that. Most times it's ok but then it'll get really bad for an hour or two.

I feel like I've made it far and there's no turning back. The nice thing is that most of the time I don't even think about it anymore.

One month, four days, 22 hours, 32 minutes and 59 seconds. 1078 cigarettes not smoked, saving $269.54. Life saved: 3 days, 17 hours, 50 minutes.