Tammy's Quit Smoking Blog

Here We Go Again

2006-08-30T12:40:00.000-04:00

I'm quitting on September 2nd. I'm going to be logging into a new blog instead of continuing with this one. In case anyone is interested the URL is http://tamquitsmoking2.blogspot.com/.

Wish me luck.

Hi Everyone!

2006-04-28T07:12:00.000-04:00

So glad you're all doing so well and are still there for each other.

Peggy's post makes a lot of sense. I can tell you've been where I am. My marriage ending was like a death and I need to be able to give 100% to a quit which I can't do right now.

Because there is so much turmoil in my life I have to focus on my son, my job and my health (even though I'm still smoking). I can't let this situation get the better of me.

I am doing ok although I have my rough days. When the time is right I will quit. I just hope I can quit before an illness makes me quit.

I know I don't post as often but I do read your comments almost every day. Stay strong everyone!!!

Hugs,

Tammy

Sorry guys and Gals!!!!

2006-04-23T08:02:00.000-04:00

Struggle Struggle Struggle!!!

I'm smoking again.

It's been one of those weeks if you know what I mean. Work, kids, Ex husband, money and the dog is driving me crazy.

Not one thing in there is an excuse to smoke.

We're trying to get things done on the house that was agreed in our settlement. It's not easy for me or for him to have to work on the house that he no longer lives in or owns and that makes me very sad that he is hurting so much.

The thing is that these things are not an excuse but a reason of why I can't stay focused on what I need to stay focused on and that's not smoking. As all of you know it takes all of our strength and focus to be able to quit smoking and I just don't have it. My focus is all over the freakin place. Each time I think things are settling down they start all over again. At those times is when I try to quit again.

A guy at work teases me on how much I quit and start smoking again. I see his point in a way. Everyone must think "What the Hell is she doing"? One day she quits smoking and 3, 4 or 7 days later she's smoking again. The reason being is that I don't want to smoke. I hate it and I'm having a hard time quitting.

You guys are so awesome and I hope I don't discourage anyone. The point of these blogs is quite the opposite of that.

You guys are doing great. Big Hugs to All.

Almost Half of a week : )

2006-04-14T06:44:00.000-04:00

Day 3. I'm feeling great. I've had cravings of course but not too bad.

I joined weight watchers the same day I quit. People say not to do both at the same time but I think this will work for me. At 42 (almost 43) it's hard to lose weight and I can't gain anymore. I'm still trying to get the weight off I gained this past year. I think this is a good move for me.

I already have more energy and walked 1.5 miles yesterday at lunch. I'm going to try and do the same today. I'm going to commit to exercise 3 days a week but hopefully do more.

I hope and Pray that I never ever smoke again...But I'm just living for today. I know I will not smoke today.

Have a great Friday everyone. I'm so glad everyone is still smoke free and posting on the blog.

Smoke free hugs to all.

Day Two Baby...

2006-04-13T07:08:00.000-04:00

Whoohoo!!! I'm back in the groove.

I've had cravings but I'm doing ok. I am already breathing better although I had a coughing fit yesterday at work. I think a couple people were ready to call 911. I finally caught my breath. I think this happens to me each time I quit smoking. My boss says that my lungs are not expecting so much oxygen and doesn't know what to do with it. : )

My ex even came over last night, it wasn't pleasant and I still didn't smoke. That's progress as far as I'm concerned.

I had a couple urges to go outside yesterday at work and light up but it passed quickly. I need to go for a walk when I get those urges.

I will not smoke, I will not smoke, I will not smoke... No matter what is going on in my life, I will not smoke.

Thank you everyone for all the nice and encouraging comments. This has GOT to be THE quit. I can't keep doing this to myself.

Here I go...

2006-04-12T07:20:00.000-04:00

Day 1 for me.

I had my last cigarette last night about 8:00. Wish me luck. I'm REALLY going to need it.

I feel better all ready. I didn't wake up hacking. I know I have a lot of clearing to go but I didn't have that gross throat from smoking 2 packs yesterday. Lately, I've even been getting up in the night and smoking.

My ex is supposed to come over tonight to help me with a couple things but I think I'm going to cancel. I'm not taking any chances.

I feel a little funky this morning but not too bad. I was actually going to quit on Friday but I felt so bad that I really didn't want to wait until then.

On the way home from work yesterday I had 4 cigarettes left and I told myself, I need to either buy a pack of cigarettes or a box of patches. When I went into the drug store I still didn't know what I was going to do and just went up to the counter and asked for the patches.

I'm glad everyone is still here. I'm going to need the support.

Fred, We love reading your comments. You've been a great support to all of us. I hope to keep hearing from you.

Happy smoke free day everyone!!!!

Sooooooo Sorry...

2006-04-10T08:04:00.000-04:00

I haven't Posted.

I totally understand you wanting another blog, you want someone committed. My life took a little detour in commitment I guess. Absolutely no offense taken.

I have to get to work this morning but I wanted to do a quick update and then I'll do a "real" post later today.

I'm doing well and adjusting to being single and a single Mom. I'm happy and just trying to keep up on everything. I have one HUGE problem though...I'm smoking more then I ever have in my life. I'm ready to quit and stay quit this time.

I'm so glad everyone is still smoke free. I'm so proud of everyone.

I'll post again today as soon as I have time.

Hugs to all!

I hope I didn't lose everyone...

2006-03-31T05:45:00.000-05:00

But I don't blame you. Who wants to read a quit smoking blog of someone that is still smoking.

I hope to quit again some day, hopefully soon. Right now I'm just getting my life together and things are going very well. I have to be ready, like Peggy said.

I don't think it's good for me to keep trying to quit and putting the patch on, taking it off and then in a couple days trying to quit again. It would be different if I quit cold turkey but I don't think I should use the patch that way.

Good luck everyone and I hope to keep hearing from you.

Comments

2006-03-29T08:31:00.000-05:00

For some reason I can't seem to moderate the comments to delete the unwanted ones. I'm still working on it but in the meantime please ignore the rude comment that someone left.

I changed a setting so I hope it doesn't prevent anyone from posting. Email me if it does.

I'm off to work, I post more later.

I just can't do it now I guess

2006-03-28T07:13:00.000-05:00

I stopped smoking and then my husband and I made plans to meet to go over some things and there I was again...Smoking a cigarette.

It's not him that makes me smoke but the stress of the situation. Things are getting a little easier with us so I'll just have to wait until the time is right and realize that I'm not ready now.

You guys are still doing great though.

Hang in there.

I'm ready...I think

2006-03-25T09:57:00.000-05:00

I smoked my brains out this morning and felt so sick. I have no idea why I smoked so much. I crushed the rest of the pack and I have a patch ready to put on. I don't want to put it on too soon as I must have a lot of nicotine in my system.

I really hope this is it. I'll have to keep myself very busy today and tomorrow.

How is everyone else doing??? I hope you're hanging in there.

My life has settled down a bit and I feel like I can begin to move on and that means doing it smoke free!!!

My son is busy all weekend so I have to whole weekend to do what ever I want. I'm not sure what that is at this time but I could use a little fun is my life. Because I'm quitting smoking it could mean a lot of sleeping.

I'll try and post later tonight to check in and hopefully I haven't run to the store for smokes.

Wish me luck (again).

Hi Everyone...

2006-03-22T05:48:00.000-05:00

I took the last couple days off work and just tried to gather my thoughts. I feel better but I'm still smoking and probably put on a couple pounds.

NOW it's time for me to get off the freakin pitty pot and move on. I have to think that better things are coming, right?

I'm so glad that you guys have hung in there. Posting here is different then on About.com so I'm wondering if some people are having trouble posting. If so, go to the link on the main page and click on the link that says "View My Complete Profile" and send me an email and I can help you.

Now I have to pick a new quit date. I'm not sure of the date yet but I cannot continue smoking.

We all have our difficult times. Divorce, unhappy at work etc. They are all difficult and I'm the only one that completely lost my quit. I'm not going to be hard on myself but I just need to get a grip and get back on the wagon.

Thank you all for you comments and sharing. We can do this and I will keep up on the blog.

Happy Sunday Everyone

2006-03-19T05:51:00.000-05:00

As you've probably guessed I haven't quit yet.

In a way Peggy is right but I'm not ready to give into that yet.

My husband and I have decided to go ahead with the divorce. Even though we both know it's right and agree on everything, it's doesn't make it easy of course. He moved back out on Thursday, I spent Friday night and Saturday morning packing his stuff and he moved it out yesterday.

Although it's very traumatic, it'll get easier.

Just like Marilyn, I've had a few good cries but when you know something is right you just know.

We all have our "things" and I try not to get too personal on my blogs but that's what a blog is all about I guess. We have to say how we are feeling.

I have the support of my family even though they are far away. I have the greatest Mother in-law in the world who will always be there for me. If it wasn't for her I don't know how I would have gotten through my Mothers death and many other things in my life this past year. No matter what...We will always be there for each other and be very close.

I am still going to quit smoking!!! Really!!! I have to.

It's 6 AM here as I'm writing this in Massachusetts. I'm still trying to figure out the time stamp problem. I'll try to get that fixed today.

Hang in there everyone. You are doing wonderful.

I'm back...

2006-03-15T08:27:00.000-05:00

My blog on about.com ends on 3/17/06 so I'll be posting here after that.

Please join us in a new, healthy, smoke free Life.

I quit smoking again

2006-01-02T06:30:00.000-05:00

Please visit my new quit smoking blog at http://quitsmoking.about.com/ub/7/.

I have another quit date

2005-11-16T14:11:00.000-05:00

I will be quitting on 01/01/06. This is my last quit. Going back to smoking has not helped me lose the weight that I have gained so why bother smoking. It's making me sick and I hate it.

I was asked by about.com's Terry Martin to be a guest blogger on their website starting in December. What could be a better incentive above the ones I already have. This will be my last quit because this one will be forever.

My blog on about.com will begin on 12/15 and I will post the link here once I get started. In the meantime I'll continue to post here and try and cut down to get ready. A new Years resolution will be a good way to quit I think. I don't think I've made a New years resolution before. If this one works I'll never need to make another one. This one will be to save my life.

What can I say...

2005-10-20T00:37:00.000-04:00

I am smoking again. There's just too much going on right now for me to focus on it. I admit that I'm weak but I'm not giving up. I'll get there again.

My throat feels like crap and my breathing is bad. I went for a physical the other day and passed with flying colors. I guess I'm healthy at the moment. Hopefully I can quit someday while I'm still healthy.

I'm thinking of trying again on Monday. We'll see!

I feel like I have that smell again. That awful stale stench of an ashtray. How appealing. Even though I'm smoking at the moment I think I'll continue to write. It helps with stress and my struggle to get back to being a non-smoker. It's so easy sometimes to forget why we were doing this in the first place.

Heather was supposed to fly into Key West this weekend for vacation and to see my brother but it looks like it'll be postponed. How crazy is this weather??? I'm just glad that she didn't get there before the hurricane hit. Now I just hope my brother evacuates.

It's been an exhausting day and week. I can't believe it's only Wednesday. I need a vacation. I think I'll wait until after hurricane season.

That's it for tonight considering I'm too tired to type.

Note to Ellen: I'm so sorry to hear about you Mother in Law. You are so strong to be able to get through such a tragedy and not smoke. My best to you and your whole family.

Feeling a little weary...

2005-10-12T20:39:00.000-04:00

I was very tired when I first quit smoking. I wonder after smoking for a few days if it's having the same affect. I don't know but I sure could use a nap.

I had one piece of nico gum today but I really don't like it. I think I'll only use it in an extreme emergency. It actually makes me a little nauseous.

I'm still not smoking though and I don't want one. I hope I don't slip every few weeks, that would not be good.

I have a lot of throat clearing and a bit of a headache today. Did I mention that I need a nap? : )

My eating is going so so. Yesterday I had a really good diet day but then I couldn't sleep and I got up and had cookies and milk. I went back to bed and slept like a baby. So you can see how hard it is to fight eating at night. Most times it puts me right to sleep and at the time that's all I care about, sleep!

Today I brought healthy food to work. I had a cup of kashi with a handful of blueberries for breakfast, a half of a turkey sandwich and 1 yogurt for lunch and a plum. That would have been really good had I not bought 2 bags of chips from the vending machine sometime after lunch. It's so much harder for me when I'm tired.

I'm sooooooo glad I'm not smoking though. I think if I was going to smoke again this last slip would have done me in. I think it would be easier if my husband didn't smoke of course because I really don't think I would have run to the store for a pack of cigarettes during that last episode. Hopefully some day he will quit.

I don't know how to count my quit. They really focus on that at the group that I haven't been to in 3 weeks. They probably think I started smoking again. Anyway, it's going on 7 weeks from when I first quit. Do I start all over? If we're on a diet and have been doing great for 6 weeks and we eat a whole cake all by ourselves does that diet start over or do we just throw up and move on? I say throw up and move on!

I'm moving on...I'm much happier when I'm not smoking and I'm obnoxiously happy when I'm exercising. So what's the freakin problem girl. Step away from the cigarettes and get my fat ass on the treadmill! Not tonight though 'cause I'm really tired. : ) I'll do it tomorrow I promise.

Going Strong

2005-10-12T11:21:00.000-04:00

I'm glad I don't feel guilty about my "slip" if you want to call it that. Smoking has totally lost everything that it gave me before (except mucus). I know that was gross.

I don't know whether I should start over counting or lose a few days...I think I'm just going to not smoke. I don't even care what day it is.

Ok I'm still trying

2005-10-11T11:26:00.000-04:00

I didn't enjoy smoking at all. I didn't smoke a lot compared to what I used to smoke but my throat is raw and my lungs and chest feel like shit. I woke up this morning and said ok Tammy just get your shit together, so I am.

I put on a 14 mg patch. If I freak out today I'll either have a piece of gum or run to the store and get the 21 mg.

I have realized that I really hate smoking and it's not helping anything. I have to get my weight under control too and somehow I will do it if it kills me.

Stepping down

2005-10-07T12:52:00.000-04:00

I step down to the next patch on Sunday. I have one more 21 mg for tomorrow. I'm a little nervous but grateful to be going to the next faze in my quit smoking "adventure". It feels good to be still not smoking and I'm able to remember vividly how my lungs and chest felt before I quit and it makes it easier to stay quit. I remember in past attempts how easy it was to forget why I had quit smoking. I think when we want something so bad like a cigarette we seem to be able to justify having one. I'm not going through that this time. Although I had one slip it has not affected my determination to quit and I no longer feel guilty about it. I feel good that it didn't make me start smoking again.

I have a few stresses in my life right now but nothing I can't handle and nothing that will make me smoke. My lungs are really clearing up and the clogging is getting much much better. I spoke with one person that said it took them about a month before that cleared up and I spoke with another that said it took 3 months. I'm sure it depends on the person. My lungs are doing great at 6 weeks but I can tell they are still healing and things are starting to grow back(from what I've read).

My life is very good. Sometime we get a few curve balls but it makes life interesting I guess. As long as they don't happen during PMS I can handle anything. LOL

I've been very tired this week. For a while I was eating better and started exercising again and my energy level soared. I got side tracked and my eating has been bad this week and I haven't been on the treadmill at all and I'm so tired. It's funny how that works. I have read that for years and it couldn't be more true. If we don't smoke, eat right and exercise we will feel better. Now they have to come up with a trick to stick to the program. At least I'm still not smoking and I'm still working on the other two. I'll get there.

The quit meter counts a little different then I do but tomorrow is 6 weeks and I'm so happy to be there.

One month, one week, two days, 10 hours, 15 minutes and 3 seconds. 1212 cigarettes not smoked, saving $303.20. Life saved: 4 days, 5 hours, 0 minutes.

I wanted one but didn't give in.

2005-10-06T12:36:00.000-04:00

I've had a few bad cravings the last couple days but I haven't given in. I hope the cravings go away soon. I still feel strong though. The thoughts of going back to smoking is disgusting to me. My throat and lungs were so bad when I quit and luckily I'm able to remember that each time I want one.

One month, one week, one day, 10 hours, 9 minutes and 9 seconds. 1182 cigarettes not smoked, saving $295.67. Life saved: 4 days, 2 hours, 30 minutes.

Still Smoke free

2005-10-05T11:14:00.000-04:00

It's been a crazy week and I haven't had much time to post but I wanted to let everyone know I'm still smoke free. Things are a little stressful right now but I am determined to not smoke!!!!!

One month, four days, 22 hours, 32 minutes and 59 seconds. 1078 cigarettes not smoked, saving $269.54. Life saved: 3 days, 17 hours, 50 minutes.

A great Weekend

2005-10-03T01:05:00.000-04:00

I had a great smoke free weekend. Heather and Rocco were here for the weekend and Brandon and Steve went on their dirt bike trip. Heather and Rocco smoke but of course they went outside. I didn't have a hard time at all. I'm working on my sixth week and will be starting the next patch on Saturday.

My throat still clogs but it appears to be at certain times. I try to figure out if there is a connection to the times that my throat is bad. I'll just try to pay more attention to that. Most times it's ok but then it'll get really bad for an hour or two.

I feel like I've made it far and there's no turning back. The nice thing is that most of the time I don't even think about it anymore.

One month, four days, 22 hours, 32 minutes and 59 seconds. 1078 cigarettes not smoked, saving $269.54. Life saved: 3 days, 17 hours, 50 minutes.

Over 1000 Cigarettes

2005-09-30T12:44:00.000-04:00

I hit over 1000 cigaretted not smoked. No freakin wonder my lungs feel good. Woohoo!

I still have some congestion though. I hope that goes away soon!

One month, two days, 10 hours, 10 minutes and 14 seconds. 1002 cigarettes not smoked, saving $250.68. Life saved: 3 days, 11 hours, 30 minutes.

I'm slacking.

2005-09-30T01:02:00.000-04:00

I'm slacking on posting to the blog. I've been so busy at work lately and I've been getting home late. By the time dinner is done and dishes...You know the story.

I haven't had much time to post on my diet blog either.

Anyway, I still doing great. Almost 5 weeks. A few cravings here and there but nothing I can't handle. There hasn't been much activity on my blog. It must be getting boring. Me quitting smoking...it's old news. : ) That's ok. I'm glad it old news. I just want to get it behind me and move on.

I wish I could do more to get my family members to quit. I can't stand the thought of anything happening to any of them. My two brothers and my sister smoke. My husband and my daughter smoke and many others. I wish I could get them to listen about not just how much but how long they have been smoking really makes a difference in your health. And as much as we hate to admit it we are getting older. When you start pushing 25 to 30 years of smoking it really starts to become dangerous. I know they will quit in time. I really really hope so. I know I sound like the typical person that quits smoking. I quit because I don't want to suffer with cancer or lung disease so it's only natural that I don't want the one I love to suffer that way also.

I'm feeling good. The exercising feels good and my lungs feel good. I guess life is good.

One month, one day, 22 hours, 32 minutes and 4 seconds. 988 cigarettes not smoked, saving $247.04. Life saved: 3 days, 10 hours, 20 minutes.

For Some reason...

2005-09-28T11:55:00.000-04:00

I woke up wanting a cigarette. I didn't have one of course but it's strange how it happens once in a while. I slept like a log last night for about 10 hours. I seem to do that once or twice a week. It sure feels good.

I didn't make the Pilate class last night. I was too tired. Tonight I have to meet with the trainer.

I have my patch on now and the cravings are gone. I have to wonder what it will be like when I'm not on the patch any more. I step down in a bout a week and a half.

My jaw really hurts again this morning. I have to chill out on the gum again. It's making my ear hurt.

Overall I feel really good though. I didn't have a great night eating last night but that seems to happen when I'm tired. Somehow I have to get this weight back down.

Fall is definitely here. It was 46 degrees when I took Brandon to school at 7 AM. That is cold.

Steve and Brandon are going on a dirt bike weekend. Heather and Rocco are coming to stay for the weekend. It will be nice to spend time with them and that way I won't worry so much.

I miss spending time with Heather since she moved to RI. She called last night to tell me they are moving back here. I am so excited. That's one of the reasons they are coming this weekend so we can discuss their plans.

Heather is moving close and Wendy is moving here in 8 months. How freakin great is that!!!!

They all smoke though so I have to stay on guard.

One month, 9 hours, 25 minutes and 7 seconds. 941 cigarettes not smoked, saving $235.44. Life saved: 3 days, 6 hours, 25 minutes.

Working on 5 weeks

2005-09-27T11:55:00.000-04:00

It looks like another glorious day. A nice breeze but not too cool. I'm going to try and make a Pilate class tonight after work. I'm not used to taking group exercise classes so I just have to get myself to that first one. I just started at the gym so although I love it I'm not sure of all the exercises I'm supposed to do. I meet with a personal trainer tomorrow after work so I hope that helps. They'll at least show me what I need to do for what I want to accomplish.

The gym was packed last night. I almost didn't get a treadmill. When I joined I specifically asked the guy if it gets so busy where there's not equipment available and he said that never happens. Maybe I should go a little later then I did. I think most people go right after work. I'm afraid to come home first though. Once I get home sometimes it's hard to go back out. I'll have to work out a schedule and stick to it. If I keep this up I'm hoping to start fitting back into some of my clothes soon. I absolutely refuse to buy bigger clothes so I'm just struggling through with what I have right now. I'll get there.

I'd like to do swimming exercises but I don't have a swim suit that fits me right now. That's actually something that I would buy but I can't find them anywhere of course.

Off to work.

Four weeks, two days, 9 hours, 23 minutes and 42 seconds. 911 cigarettes not smoked, saving $227.93. Life saved: 3 days, 3 hours, 55 minutes.

Another great Day

2005-09-27T00:57:00.000-04:00

I had another great smoke free day. No cravings and no nico gum. I went to the gym after work and did the treadmill, stepper, tummy crunches and many laps around the track. I feel good but I might be hurting tomorrow.

We have weigh-in tomorrow at work. I feel like it'll be a good weigh-in (I hope).

Sometimes I can't believe I've really been able to do this. Smoking was such a big part of my life for so many years and I'm FINALLY free of it. I can remember times thinking "how am I ever going to quit this. I'm just going to die of lung cancer." But I have actually done it.

What a wonderful feeling to be able to accomplish something that you never thought you could do. I guess the saying is true that we can do anything if we set our mind to do it.

A woman at work said today "Tammy, what are you doing that's different? You are so happy and bubbly and I want some of whatever it is." I told her I'm just happy and I'm back to my old self again.

I think that quitting smoking and the exercising and eating better is all catching up with me. It's making me very happy!!!

Four weeks, one day, 22 hours, 25 minutes and 50 seconds. 898 cigarettes not smoked, saving $224.51. Life saved: 3 days, 2 hours, 50 minutes.

I'm not sure what number day it is!

2005-09-26T12:00:00.000-04:00

That's a good thing. The counting isn't quite as important as it was before. I'm doing great!

I have my sad moments about my Mom and this blog is the best place to let those feelings out. I hope it doesn't sound depressing to the people that read it. It helps me get through the tough times and she is my inspiration for quitting.

Starting another week of work. I actually like my job very much (most of the time). Not smoking at work is not hard at all.

I'm going to try not to focus on counting each day but I'm looking forward to the 10 week milestone. After that it'll be a breeze. I hope.

Four weeks, one day, 9 hours, 29 minutes and 45 seconds. 881 cigarettes not smoked, saving $220.46. Life saved: 3 days, 1 hour, 25 minutes.

Gloomy Sunday

2005-09-25T21:20:00.000-04:00

Still doing great with the quit but it's just a gloomy Sunday. It's cool but not really cold. I should have lit a fire in the fire place but I guess there'll be plenty of time for that very soon. Fall has finally arrived and I won't miss the humidity. There sure was a lot of that this year.

I have a lot to do for work but for some reason the connection is not working to connect to work. It's going to make for a stressful day tomorrow if I don't get some it done.

Brandon worked all day and Steve went to go watch football with his buddies. I talked to my sister for a while and she wants me to start looking at condos in this area for her. She says she's moving in 8 months. It was definitely a high light in the day but I have this thing in my mind that tells me not to get to excited. I haven't lived near any of my family in more then 18 years and my sister and I are best friends. It would be so wonderful if she could move here.

I woke up this morning and realized I didn't have any patches so I got dressed and went and got some and stopped at dunkin donuts and got a coffee. It was nice being out early Sunday morning. It's not something I usually do. I was going to try and make a 10:30 aerobics class but it was just one of those bad woman days. I'm going to try to go to one after work tomorrow. The only Yoga class they have (now that I've looked at the schedule) is at 6:30 Friday morning. I'm going to try like hell to make it.

This is my last box of 21mg patches. When these are done I go to the next step. I'm anxious to get it over with.

I'm still going strong and I hope to never have another slip. I didn't like it or enjoy it in any way. It actually made me a little nauseous.

Four weeks, 18 hours, 51 minutes and 20 seconds. 863 cigarettes not smoked, saving $215.89. Life saved: 2 days, 23 hours, 55 minutes.

4 weeks and 1 day

2005-09-25T16:41:00.000-04:00

Still going strong. No desires to smoke.

I don't have a lot to say today except I'm happy to be still not smoking. Breathing is such a wonderful thing.

Four weeks, 12 hours, 13 minutes and 12 seconds. 855 cigarettes not smoked, saving $213.82. Life saved: 2 days, 23 hours, 15 minutes.

What do we do without our Mom????

2005-09-25T00:44:00.000-04:00

I'm in a good place usually about my Mom passing. But sometimes I miss her so much I can't stand it. I just want to scream as loud as I can. I NEED YOU! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME.

I don't know why sometimes I'm ok and others I'm not. I think there are times I just really need her. You would think at 42 you are a grownup and just handle your Mom not being here. I've accepted it but there are times where it just breaks my heart. I actually have to NOT think about her and that hurts too.

My mom was just a little bit crazy, just enough to make her fun. At her funeral the INSANE minister )she would have really laughed at him) asked several of us what word came to mind when we think of her. I said "Loving" and my son said "Funny". She was funny. When her and I and my siblings got together all we did was laugh. We would laugh so hard for so many hours that your stomach felt like you had done sit ups.

When I had a problem and I would be very dramatic about it, she didn't judge me she would laugh and show me the funny side of it and I would end up laughing about it too.

When I had big troubles I found myself not talking to her about it only because I didn't want to trouble her. I didn't want her to worry about me but I would call her and just talk and I would feel better about what ever was troubling me.

What do we do when that's gone?????? I light her candle and play her music box when no one else is home but it doesn't help. I know there's something out there that will. I just need to find it.

It may not sound like it but I'm fine, I just struggle sometimes with losing one of the most important people in my life. I guess time heals, I hope.

It is because of my Mom that I've been able to quit smoking. I always feel like a persons death happens for a reason and I feel that her death indirectly saved my life. It's because of my Mom that I am smoke free.

I love you Mom!

4 weeks

2005-09-24T19:25:00.000-04:00

It's 4 weeks today and I'm feeling great. I didn't get on the treadmill last night but I went this morning and joined a gym. It's 5 minutes from my house so I hope I can get there several times a week. I did two miles on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the life cycle and 10 sit ups on the sit up bench thing. I have a feeling that I will be very sore tomorrow. If so I will go sit in the hot tub for a while. I really like it there and I hope that because I'm not smoking now and can breathe that I will use the membership. I have an appointment with the personal trainer on Wednesday. I just realized that's my group night so I'll have to call and change that.

I think I'm going to love it there. I was going to look for a yoga class and it would have cost more to go to once a week to a yoga class then to join the gym and have all the classes included. Also, the money I spent today on the gym does not = the money I've saved since quitting smoking. Telling myself that makes me feel better about spending the money.

In March or April I'm going to buy a new car, actually I think I'm going to lease it, but the money I spend on a new car will not exceed what I would have spent on cigarettes.

Ready for week five! Woohoo!

Three weeks, six days, 15 hours, 59 minutes and 7 seconds. 829 cigarettes not smoked, saving $207.49. Life saved: 2 days, 21 hours, 5 minutes.

A lot of coughing today.

2005-09-24T00:37:00.000-04:00

4 weeks tomorrow. It feels good. My throat was very very clogged today. It gets a little embarrassing and I feel the need to explain why I can't talk and I'm clearing my throat. It'll be over soon and people understand and are just genuinely happy that I quit smoking.

I walked hard at lunch time today. I didn't do the treadmill tonight though. I have a lot of work to do this weekend but I hope to fit some treadmill time in there.

Three weeks, five days, 23 hours, 5 minutes and 23 seconds. 808 cigarettes not smoked, saving $202.21. Life saved: 2 days, 19 hours, 20 minutes.

Day 27 I think.

2005-09-23T10:59:00.000-04:00

That slip kind of screwed me up but tomorrow is 4 weeks. That is so great. Two more weeks and I step down to the next patch. That will be a big milestone. I hope I handle it ok. I think I will.

Our diet group has plans to work out today. I'm not sure if we will or not but I'll walk at lunch time at the very least and do 5 minutes on the treadmill tonight.

I was talking to a couple of women at work yesterday and they suggested not saying I'm going to do 2 miles on the treadmill (to myself) but to just say I'm going to get on for 5 minutes. The hardest part is actually getting myself on the treadmill. It worked last night so from now on I am only committing to 5 minutes a day on the treadmill. Last night I did a mile and a half. Such mind games we play. : )

Three weeks, five days, 9 hours, 24 minutes and 13 seconds. 791 cigarettes not smoked, saving $197.94. Life saved: 2 days, 17 hours, 55 minutes.

Lots of exercise today.

2005-09-22T23:09:00.000-04:00

It was a lot for me considering what I've been getting. I did probably close to 2 miles at lunch time today and a mile and a half on the treadmill when I got home. The exercise feels good.

I had a hard time sleeping last night but slept in a little this morning so I felt rested and had a lot of energy today. Some days I almost have two much energy. That's a good thing though. I had a good diet day also. Life is good.

Three weeks, four days, 21 hours, 34 minutes and 15 seconds. 776 cigarettes not smoked, saving $194.24. Life saved: 2 days, 16 hours, 40 minutes.

Light smoking triples health risks

2005-09-22T13:27:00.000-04:00

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Smokers who believe a few cigarettes a day do not do any harm will need to think again.
Norwegian scientists who studied the health records of 43,000 men and women have shown that even light smoking -- less than five cigarettes daily -- triples the risk of dying of heart disease or lung cancer.
"In both sexes, smoking 1-4 cigarettes per day was associated with a significantly higher risk of dying from ischaemic heart disease and from all causes, and from lung cancer in women," said Dr Aage Tverdal of the Norwegian Institute of Public Health in Oslo.
The study was published in the journal Tobacco Control.
The researchers tracked the health and death records and smoking habits of the men and women, who had been screened for heart disease at the start of the study, from the 1970s to the 2002.
They found very little difference in the risk of dying from cancer, apart from lung cancer. Men who were light smokers were about three times more likely to die of lung cancer than non-smokers.
In women the risk rose to five times higher.
The dangers of smoking are well documented. Previous research has shown that smokers die on average 10 years earlier than non-smokers but stopping, even in middle age, can halve the risk.
It is also a risk factor for heart disease and stroke and raises the odds of developing age-related macular degeneration which is the leading cause of blindness in the elderly.
Tverdal and his colleague Dr Kjell Bjartveit, of the National Health Screening Service in Oslo and a co-author of the study, said health officials must emphasize more strongly that light smokers are also endangering their health.

Moving in on a month

2005-09-22T12:17:00.000-04:00

I didn't sleep well but I feel pretty good this morning considering. I have no desires for a cigarette. As long as I can stay clear of a lot of stress then I can make it. I'm hoping that once I get past a certain point that smoking because of stress is not an option. I feel like that's the case now but I learned my lesson on Monday. Don't let your gard down.

Three weeks, four days, 10 hours, 47 minutes and 26 seconds. 763 cigarettes not smoked, saving $190.87. Life saved: 2 days, 15 hours, 35 minutes.

I had a great day.

2005-09-21T23:17:00.000-04:00

It was a great non smoking day and a good diet day. After going back and reading some of my posts I've realized that my "Great Days" are the days when I get a lot of sleep the night before. My tough days are when I'm not sleeping well. Someone at work told me that drinking soda can keep you awake. He said even though I drink diet caffeine free soda that it could still effect my sleep. I had never heard that before. Yesterday I had one cup of coffee and no diet soda and I slept great. I had the same today so we'll see if it was just a coincidence.

Saturday will be one month and I'm feeling great. My little slip did not affect my cough or breathing at all.

I'm ready for another good nights sleep and a great smoke free day tomorrow.

Three weeks, three days, 21 hours, 46 minutes and 48 seconds. 747 cigarettes not smoked, saving $186.80. Life saved: 2 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes.

Everything is going well.

2005-09-21T16:30:00.000-04:00

Whew! That was a close call. I am back on track and I'm not craving a cigarette. What I decided to do was remove 1 day from my start date instead of starting over. This Saturday will be one month.

I didn't wear a patch yesterday but I also didn't smoke. I had 2 pieces of nico gum but I felt not quite right all day. I put a patch on this morning and slept like a log last night and I'm feeling great today.

I'm sooooo glad I was able to quickly recover from that slip. I'm not going to get down on myself for it either. It happened, it's over and I'm still doing great.

I'm over it.

2005-09-20T21:49:00.000-04:00

I haven't had another cigarette since I slipped yesterday. I'm feeling better. It's so awful to go for 3 weeks and have a slip. That day is behind me and I'm moving on.

Thanks for your kind words Ellen. That was very helpful.

I've decided to not change my quit date. I think mentally that would do me more harm then good so I'm keeping it the same as it was. I just had a little oopsie in there.

Three weeks, three days, 20 hours, 18 minutes and 25 seconds. 745 cigarettes not smoked, saving $186.34. Life saved: 2 days, 14 hours, 5 minutes.

I smoked 6 cigarettes today.

2005-09-19T20:28:00.000-04:00

I'm very sad about it.

Missing my Mom day!

2005-09-19T15:32:00.000-04:00

I'm missing my Mom very much today. I'm not going to say anything I'm just going to post pictures. I wish she were here!

Another Nice Day

2005-09-18T12:17:00.000-04:00

I slept well, it finally stopped raining and the sun is shining. The air is cool and a little breezy. It's the perfect Sunday morning.

I'm havin my coffee, slapped on my patch and I'll get on the treadmill soon (I promise). After the energy it gave me yesterday I would be crazy not to.

It's day 23. I even have to think about it sometimes. Before it was like "Oh My God I made it to day 2". Now it's just a great feeling but it's a feeling that I'm finally on my way. I'm not as worried about making it another day. I'm still not going to put my guard down. I suppose you have to be on guard forever but I would assume it's a lot more in the back of your mind then in the front.

I'm hoping for another great day!

Three weeks, one day, 10 hours, 47 minutes and 24 seconds. 673 cigarettes not smoked, saving $168.37. Life saved: 2 days, 8 hours, 5 minutes.

What a Great Day!

2005-09-17T22:00:00.000-04:00

It's day 22 and I hardly thought about smoking at all today. Steve is on a guy bonding/camping/dirt bike riding weekend with his buddies and Brandon has been busy all weekend. I've really enjoyed the time to myself to get caught up on things. I did 2 miles on the treadmill, finally! The exercise is what I need. I had so much energy today and got caught up on so much.

It's almost fall, at least that's what the calendar says. It's still really hot here. My next task is to bring out the fall/winter wardrobe and pack the summer stuff, most of what has not fit me all summer. I'm hoping to do that tomorrow. It's treadmill first though. Exercise really does a body good. It's good for the mind too. It also helps clear my lungs which I need. It's getting better but I'm still getting periods where my throat gets very clogged.

I haven't chewed any gum today at all and my jaw is getting much better.

It's been a great day and I feel strong and almost healthy.

Three weeks, 20 hours, 26 minutes and 54 seconds. 655 cigarettes not smoked, saving $163.89. Life saved: 2 days, 6 hours, 35 minutes.

A better post

2005-09-17T12:37:00.000-04:00

My last post was kind of cranky so I'll try it again.

It actually feels great to be on day 22. I get cranky when I don't sleep well so my mood really didn't have anything to do with not smoking or wanting a cigarette. In the few cases where I've actually wanted a cigarette it really helps to read the stories of the people that quit too late. They quit smoking and should be proud of that but instead are dealing with the affects of smoking for so many years with cancer or lung disease. I feel fortunate that I found the strength now to quit. I really feel strong and feel like I will never smoke again.

I have to get all things balanced. I've gone through a lot in the last 6 months with my Mom dyeing and being off of work for a while and quitting smoking and putting on weight. I have to focus on over all health and happiness. It makes me very happy to not be smoking but I won't be happy if I'm fat. I need to find things to occupy my time. With Steve working so much and Brandon so busy now my home life is changing. That's ok I just need to change with it. I thought about getting a part time job but I need to be available for Brandon until he has his license and a car. I can balance these things I know I can.

I would like to see my sister more. We were talking last night about how the kids are getting so grown up and they are so busy. If the flights were cheaper we could see each other often on the weekends. Why is it that you can get deals like $79 to fly to Florida but it costs $400 to fly between Boston and Buffalo which is an hour flight. It's very frustrating.

Anyway, I feel good today just a little tired. Once I get moving I'll be fine.

I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today! I will get on the treadmill today!

Three weeks, 10 hours, 53 minutes and 29 seconds. 643 cigarettes not smoked, saving $160.90. Life saved: 2 days, 5 hours, 35 minutes.

Tired Today

2005-09-17T10:50:00.000-04:00

I didn't sleep well last night. I couldn't fall asleep and I had this tickle in the my throat all night. The right side of my jaw is killing me so when I tried to cough at night a got a shooting pain. I really need to not chew gum for a couple days because it's really starting to hurt.

I have to get a lot done today and hopefully take a nap. I need to get on the treadmill, I swear this time I'm going to do it. : )

I guess I'm not feel too good today. I don't really want a cigarette but my jaw hurts and I'm tired and I keep clearing my throat and my weight is really bothering me. Soooo, it's hard to be positive about something that's making me miserable today.

I'm still having dreams at night. That doesn't help either. I know I sound grumpy today and I really hope it goes away.

I'll post later when I'm in a better mood. : )

Three weeks, 9 hours, 20 minutes and 8 seconds. 641 cigarettes not smoked, saving $160.42. Life saved: 2 days, 5 hours, 25 minutes.

3 weeks

2005-09-16T10:18:00.000-04:00

I think about smoking less and less. It's not a constant on my mind any more. I'll be glad when I don't have to remember to put the patch on, 7 more weeks. If it seems like a long time to me I compare it to the 27 years that I smoked then it doesn't seem so long.

TGIF - I'm looking forward to the weekend.

Two weeks, six days, 8 hours, 48 minutes and 22 seconds. 611 cigarettes not smoked, saving $152.75. Life saved: 2 days, 2 hours, 55 minutes.

A Rainy Day

2005-09-15T13:18:00.000-04:00

Every time it rains I think about not having to stand out there to have a cigarette. The drivers were more aggravating then usual though. You would think it was the first time all of them drove in the rain.

I have to focus a little more on my dieting and not so much on the not smoking. I need a little extra nudge in that area. I won't let it make me smoke again though. There's got to be a way to balance the two. I have to start my diet blog over from scratch. It's the same web address but I'll just remove the posts and start again.

There's only so long I can squeeze into my 8's. I don't know how I'm doing it now and I'm afraid I'm going to hurt myself. : ) I couldn't smoke right now if I wanted to, I don't think I could breathe that deep without busting a seam. Sooooo, it's time to get with the program. The truth is, I'd rather smoke and be thin then not smoke and be fat so I have to find a way to do both.

My husband told me once about a guy that quit smoking and gained 30 lbs so he went back to smoking. He never lost the weight so then he was just a fat smoker. I don't want to be a fat anything.

There's got be a way to balance all of these things for those of us that have picked up bad habits along the way. I want to be healthy and happy. That's what my focus is. Not just quitting smoking. I HAVE to get my butt exercising to bring up my metabolism. It's a proven fact that smoking burns calories. I believe it's something like 200 calories a pack. So to quit smoking and eating more, the weight is going to pile on if you don't nip it in the bud. I had a head start because I comforted myself with food after my Mom died so I need to stay focused on over all health and diet. Sounds good doesn't it??? Now lets see if I can actually do it.

Two weeks, five days, 11 hours, 44 minutes and 15 seconds. 584 cigarettes not smoked, saving $146.17. Life saved: 2 days, 40 minutes.

Day 20

2005-09-15T10:30:00.000-04:00

Is there a time where I should stop counting the days? I wonder if that makes it harder??? I'm not sure but I like posting that I've made it another day so I guess it can't be too bad. Almost 3 weeks. That is so awesome.

I spoke with our HR person yesterday and she scheduled a meeting to see if anyone wants to join a diet support group and work. I think it would help if we do it right. I keep trying different things that might help me lose the weight I've put on in the last 5 months. I have to do it, I am very very uncomfortable.

I have a lot of meetings today and tomorrow so sometimes that can mean a lot of stress for me. Hopefully they won't be too bad.

I can't believe it's 9/15 and it's still so hot. Where is fall? I hope it doesn't go from 90% to a foot of snow and skip right over it. I'm ready for some cooler weather but not snow.

Two weeks, five days, 8 hours, 53 minutes and 50 seconds. 581 cigarettes not smoked, saving $145.28. Life saved: 2 days, 25 minutes.

1 day closer to...

2005-09-15T01:04:00.000-04:00

What am I closer to? Being healthy, that's it. I have to keep reminding myself some days why I'm doing this. I don't want a cigarette today but doesn't it seem like life shouldn't be so hard sometimes? I'm not being a whinny baby or having a pity party it's just that I want to know why all the fun stuff is bad for us??? I need to find someone to answer that question. Why can't carrot's kill you instead of smoking or why don't we need to go to the doctors because we're not eating enough ice cream or we're eating the wrong kind of ice cream.

Life is tough and that's just the way it is. I have a happy life I just wish I could smoke and eat anything I want. : )

I went to group tonight and these people are really getting on my nerves. I listen to more about peoples pets and their manic depressions that anything else. I'm not saying those things don't need to be talked about but I think they need a couple other groups. I'm there to get support for quitting smoking. I don't care if they have 6 dogs and a freakin rabbit or how many meds they have been on for depression unless it relates to quitting smoking. I think a group thing is a good thing if you get the right people in the group. Mary the facilitator is good but she doesn't have the heart to interrupt people and to get them to stay on track. I'll still go but I don't think I'll go every week.

My Mom has been on my mind a lot lately. I miss her. My sister told me yesterday her headstone was in. It's so hard sometimes. I wanted to tell the group about my Mom smoking for 50 years and about her dyeing but I just can't do it so I won't even try.

I had a very busy day today and it's finally winding down. I'm looking forward to a good nights sleep and day 20 tomorrow.

Two weeks, four days, 23 hours, 29 minutes and 14 seconds. 569 cigarettes not smoked, saving $142.34. Life saved: 1 day, 23 hours, 25 minutes.

Day 19 and going strong.

2005-09-14T10:56:00.000-04:00

I moving in on 3 weeks. I've been very very tired. I've slept alot the last couple days although not Monday night which made me exhausted yesterday. I'm feeling rested today.

I had a lot of dreams again last night. I'm not sure why these are starting all of a sudden. If the patch was going to cause me dreams you think it would have started a few weeks ago. Last night they weren't scary dreams so I can handle that.

Off to work. I'll Post more later.

Two weeks, four days, 9 hours, 26 minutes and 6 seconds. 551 cigarettes not smoked, saving $137.95. Life saved: 1 day, 21 hours, 55 minutes.

Day 18

2005-09-13T09:50:00.000-04:00

I'm doing better. I think I'm over the hump. Day 18 is very exciting especially now that I feel better.

I didn't sleep well last night though and I had nightmares. I took the patch off but maybe it was from the extra nicotine from the gum. I only had one piece but I don't usually have nightmares like that. Most dreams I can't remember but of course this one stays with me.

I'm exhausted, I wish I could get some consistent sleep.

Two weeks, three days, 8 hours, 20 minutes and 43 seconds. 520 cigarettes not smoked, saving $130.10. Life saved: 1 day, 19 hours, 20 minutes.

Women's Health

2005-09-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

Story from about.com:

"Lung cancer is now the leading cause of cancer deaths among women. Cigarette smoking is the main culprit and is responsible for 80% of these cancer deaths. Lung cancer has always been and continues to be more common in men than women but the difference is declining. Unfortunately statistics show that smoking rates among women are expected to surpass those among men by the year 2000.
Lung cancer is not the only smoking related cause of death in women. The World Health Organization states that at least 25% of women smokers will die of smoking-related disease such as cardiovascular disease and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD)."--National Women's Health Information Center
My mother tried to quit smoking several times in her life--she once quit for three years. She started smoking again when my father was diagnosed with pancreas cancer almost five years ago. My dad lived only 4 months after his diagnosis, but my mother continued smoking. She's tried to stop a few times since then, but her life without my dad was too lonely, and cigarettes became her best friend. She woke up and sat at her table every morning smoking one cigarette after another. Now she is paying the ultimate price for the comfort she found in cigarettes--the price of her life.
My mother has a long road ahead of her, and I don't want to meet you along the way. Lung cancer paints an ugly picture and is a sad way to end an otherwise productive life--so quit smoking now and save your life!
Do you need help quitting smoking? Visit About Smoking Cessation where you will find a supportive online resource that provides news and information, as well as forums and chats designed to help you become a non-smoker.

The Day is Going Better

2005-09-12T15:49:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling a little stronger. I was having a bit of a hard time when I got to work and decided to try another piece of nico gum. I figured it was better then smoking and maybe it would get me over this hump. It just made me a little sick so I don't expect to chew it very often. I'm doing ok though. I don't think I need it right now.

I read Ellen's blog this morning and it really helped. There was an update on her mother in-laws cancer and it reminded me of one of the many reasons why I'm doing this.

My cravings are gone thank god. I think just getting through the rough spots is the biggest struggle. I'm am feeling sooooo grateful that I did not have even one puff. It would have really set me back mentally. Even though I didn't have one I still had this strong sense of guilt that I almost did.

I'm going to read about.com and look for a story that will give me strength.

Two weeks, two days, 14 hours, 19 minutes and 21 seconds. 497 cigarettes not smoked, saving $124.47. Life saved: 1 day, 17 hours, 25 minutes.

Day 17

2005-09-12T10:59:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling good but not quite as strong as I was. I hope it passes because I'm not going to smoke.

My lungs feel good and not too much throat clearing and coughing. When I do cough it's a different kind of cough.

I'm still going strong though on day 17. I can't expect to not have any struggles along the way. I'll have to do more posting and more reading at about.com today and hopefully that will get me back to the same attitude I had before.

Two weeks, two days, 9 hours, 29 minutes and 10 seconds. 491 cigarettes not smoked, saving $122.96. Life saved: 1 day, 16 hours, 55 minutes.

Day 16

2005-09-11T16:21:00.000-04:00

But I almost lost it last night. Somehow I was able to get through it.

Two weeks, one day, 14 hours, 52 minutes and 38 seconds. 468 cigarettes not smoked, saving $117.15. Life saved: 1 day, 15 hours, 0 minutes.

Still havin a Good Day

2005-09-11T05:15:00.000-04:00

I'm unable to sleep but I had a very productive day and a very nice night with Steve.

I came soooo close to having a cigarette tonight. It's the first time I've really had to fight it. I decided that I would either have a piece of nico gum or smoke or both. I was just about to give in and I had a piece of gum for the first time and it worked. Within ten minutes I was fine and I didn't want a cigarettes anymore.

Steve said I would have had to fight him for it but it's not his decision it's mine. I'm the one that has to fight it and I'm the one that has to deal with it if I give in. I am soooooooo thankful that I didn't. It was close.

It was a childless night and we just realxed and enjoyed the night and each other. Like I said before, you let your guard down and wham it sneaks up and bites you in the ass. I am proud to say I did not give in. Not even one puff. I felt like if I would have had a puff I would have had a pack. That was sooo freakin close. I really don't know how I did it but I am very proud of myself.
Two weeks, one day, 3 hours, 45 minutes and 12 seconds. 454 cigarettes not smoked, saving $113.67. Life saved: 1 day, 13 hours, 50 minutes.

A good Day

2005-09-10T21:03:00.000-04:00

I'm having a good day. I've had almost no cravings today. I'm watching what I eat and I feel good. There's something to be said for living somewhat of a healthy lifestyle. Lets hope it lasts. I hope it doesn't get too boring. I don't smoke, I'm trying to eat healthy and I have very little caffeine. It's not boring if you feel good though. I still have an occasional Kaula drink, mudslide or a beer so at least I'm doing something bad.

No smoking though. That's not just bad it's suicidal.

Two weeks, 19 hours, 44 minutes and 21 seconds. 444 cigarettes not smoked, saving $111.17. Life saved: 1 day, 13 hours, 0 minutes.

Day 15

2005-09-10T11:47:00.000-04:00

That's more then 2 weeks!!! WooHooo.

I had a good nights sleep and life is good. It would be better if I didn't have so much laundry to do but that's ok. I'm going to work like a dog today and get everything done and be able to enjoy myself tomorrow and do what ever I want.

I'm trying to think how long was the longest quit I had. I think I'll feel even better once I get past that point. I don't count when I was pregnant though because there's just no way I would have smoked then. I think the longest was about 2 years ago and I quit for 8 weeks I think. It was a struggle though. I think once I finish the NRT (patches) that will be the point that I can really say that there is no turning back. I'm finally there. It'll be longer then my longest quit and no more nicotine at all. I almost hate to put a time line on it, I don't want it to seem longer but I need a date when I can say. This is IT.

I think the next 4 weeks will be pretty easy. If you like reading drama check back when I step down to a weaker patch. Hopefully I won't turn into psycho bitch.

I'm totally enjoying my smoke free life. Whoda thunk it was possible. : )

Two weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes and 31 seconds. 432 cigarettes not smoked, saving $108.17. Life saved: 1 day, 12 hours, 0 minutes.

Almost 2 full weeks

2005-09-09T22:53:00.000-04:00

At 10:30 it'll be 2 weeks. At times I feel that it is a huge accomplishment and other times I think that it seems like it's been a lot longer then 2 weeks. I do know that I feel better then I have in years so whether it's been 2 weeks or 2 years I feel great. I know that I will never smoke again so it can only get better from here.

I had a great day. Again it seemed like I was running all over the place and chatting and walked a couple miles at lunch. I think that I'm getting more rest again and I'm feeling energetic and I'm having a hard time just sitting in my office doing work. These are all good signs. I hope I'm that energetic this weekend because I have a lot to catch up on and I can't spend the weekend sitting at the computer. If that's what it takes to keep me from smoking then I would. I think I'll be fine through.

Sometimes I could just scream to the world that I quit smoking. That's how good it makes me feel.

I talked to my sister today and she said my niece Brenda checked out the blog and said "way to go Aunt Tammy". Sometimes she calls me Auntie T or Aunt Tammy Whammy and I call her Brenda Wenda. She is such a good kid although not a kid anymore. Everybody is almost grown up. I feel like life is passing so quickly. She'll be in college next year and my nephew Darrick is in his 2nd year and in 2 years Brandon goes to college and Heather as been out of college for a few years. Then what??? I guess I'll make it up as I go but I know I won't be smoking.

I'm looking forward to another smoke free weekend.

One week, six days, 21 hours, 15 minutes and 38 seconds. 416 cigarettes not smoked, saving $104.14. Life saved: 1 day, 10 hours, 40 minutes.

Day 14

2005-09-09T10:31:00.000-04:00

How awesome is that???

I slept well and woke without any congestion at all. I told Steve this morning that it actually feels like my lungs are bigger. I really can't believe how different my breathing is. I don't know why I would be so surprised. It's been two weeks and I would have smoked 400 cigarettes. Oh My God!!! 400 cigarettes!!!

I feel such a sense of relief. I have to remind myself that the struggle is not over though. I don't want to let my guard down. It's only been two weeks and I'm still on the strongest patch. 4 more weeks and I step down. I'm anxious to go to the next step and see how I do. I STILL have thoughts of not doing the whole 6 weeks on this patch. That is crazy thinking. I'm doing the entire program.

One week, six days, 9 hours, 1 minute and 13 seconds. 401 cigarettes not smoked, saving $100.32. Life saved: 1 day, 9 hours, 25 minutes.

Today Went Well

2005-09-08T23:36:00.000-04:00

Very few cravings today. I was so busy at work with meetings and it just seemed like I didn't have a moment to think about smoking. When I think about it now though I wasn't really that busy I was just running around like I was busy. I think I talked non stop today. I don't know if my jaw hurts from the gum or talking so much.

I've had a lot of throat clearing tonight and it's driving me crazy. Sometimes I think I'm going to hurt myself because my throat is just so clogged. Brandon said it hurts his ears. The effects of smoking are just so glamorous aren't they. Not too many people probably talk about this part of it but of course I do. It's just one more reminder of how disgusting and unhealthy smoking is.

I walked at lunch time. I was still winded but it seemed to be not as bad. I don't know if that's really the case. We may have been walking slower and it really depends on how much I talk. I seem to get very winded when I walk and talk at the same time. Actually I was chewing gum too. I didn't know I had such a talent. I need to start getting back on the treadmill and see if I'm winded. When I walk with a friend at work I can't seem to shut up long enough to see how winded I get. I got the key to the gym at work but of course I haven't used it yet. What a surprise. It's a good thing it was only $5 for the key and the use of the gym is free especially when there's not a lot of use going on.

I'm feeling really good today and happy about being close to 2 weeks. I'm hoping to sleep good tonight and feel refreshed in the morning.

I am finally doing something that I was so afraid would plague me until it killed me. I'm actually doing it. I'm dealing with the stress ok without thinking oh my god I need a cigarette. I've had a few rough moments but I have not had the thought of smoking in two weeks.

I hope my brother is reading my blog. I really want him to quit. Once he sets his mind to it he would be very surprised at how easy it is. It's all focus. That's what it is for me. I have been totally focused on not smoking and I don't even want one. It's like dieting. If you have gotten to the point where you say I don't even want to eat these things yet I keep doing it. Then you focus your mind on what you need to do and for some odd reason you're not hungry any more.

Anyway, I think everyone can tell I had a great not smoking day. There are stresses in my life but I have to focus on them differently and I'm able to still not smoke.

One week, five days, 22 hours, 1 minute and 38 seconds. 387 cigarettes not smoked, saving $96.88. Life saved: 1 day, 8 hours, 15 minutes.

Day 13

2005-09-08T07:11:00.000-04:00

I slept fair last night but not great. I'm sure it's a withdrawal symptom. I had a lot of weird dreams but I don't ware my patch at night. I got enough sleep I think that I'm not exhausted and I can get through the day ok.

Day 13 is very exciting. At 10:30 tomorrow night it will be exactly 2 weeks. How great is that??? I will be glad when I'm not counting down to the hour though. That time will come. It takes patience.

One week, five days, 8 hours, 45 minutes and 41 seconds. 370 cigarettes not smoked, saving $92.73. Life saved: 1 day, 6 hours, 50 minutes.

Feeling a little better

2005-09-07T22:25:00.000-04:00

Now I'm home and in comfortable clothes and feeling much better. The cravings are gone and I'm just going to relax for the evening even though I have a gazillion things to do. I feel like I'm over my bad patch. As long as I get some sleep tonight I think I'll be ok.

I'm skipping my meeting tonight. It'll be ok. I'll make sure I go next week.

13 days tomorrow. Wahoo!

One week, four days, 20 hours, 52 minutes and 55 seconds. 356 cigarettes not smoked, saving $89.02. Life saved: 1 day, 5 hours, 40 minutes.

The Mayonnaise Jar and the 2 Cups of Coffee

2005-09-07T20:26:00.000-04:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---God, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled.

"I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Nicobitch

2005-09-07T16:45:00.000-04:00

I read where someone called this the nicobitch instead of the nicodemon. I thought it was pretty funny.

I read another lung cancer story where the person was 47 and died 8 months after being diagnosed. And Peter Jennings had 4 months. I can imagine that all these people thought that something like that could NEVER happen to them. It's very very scary. I know that if we all made our selves read one of these stories every day that we would not smoke.

I go to about.com every day. They have the most up to date information and stories that can slap you into reality. The forum has people just like us that are trying to quit, that NEED to quit. Let's not wait until we have an illness. There are dozens of different illnesses that are caused by smoking. We usually only think of cancer and emphysema. They are many many more. I will try and get a list together and post it today or tomorrow.

Being tired makes it harder for me but I can do it. I knew when I started this that it was not going to be easy. Having a couple hard days is part of the process and I can get through it. If something worse happens I can get through that too. I know I can count on all of my family for support and my husband really wants me to succeed even though he still smokes. I have noticed that he smokes a lot less when he's at home so my quitting has benefited him as well.

I've learned that the more I post the easier time I have. I have a feeling I will be posting A LOT today.

So, let's kick some nicobitch's ass and never smoke again.

One week, four days, 15 hours, 15 minutes and 7 seconds. 349 cigarettes not smoked, saving $87.27. Life saved: 1 day, 5 hours, 5 minutes.

Sooooo tired.

2005-09-07T14:52:00.000-04:00

I was so tired today after not sleeping well last night that I was actually concerned about driving in to work. I just have to get through the day and hopefully I'll sleep like a log tonight.

Not sleeping affects every part of my life. I have gone through many bouts of insomnia and that's all I can focus on is getting sleep. Nothing else matters. I've only had one rough night but because I know what can happen it scares me.

Now that I'm at work I'm feeling a little better. A little more awake and the cravings are gone. Craving is a funny word because I do get a sensation but I don't actually want a cigarette. Is that still a craving if I don't really want one?

My mother in-law is doing great. She did have to start over but that's ok. She's on day 4 and she'll do it this time I know she will.

It's going to be a long day. I hope I can stay awake long enough to go to the the group tonight. What I do know is I will not be smoking. That's the only thing I know for sure today (that and the fact that I'm very tired).

When I get tired like this I think of all the hours my husband works. I really don't know how he does it sometimes.

I'm just going to take a deeeeep breath and be happy that I'm not smoking.

Look at my stats. 346 cigarettes not smoked and it's only been 12 days. That's disgusting.

One week, four days, 13 hours, 15 minutes and 58 seconds. 346 cigarettes not smoked, saving $86.64. Life saved: 1 day, 4 hours, 50 minutes.

Day 12

2005-09-07T10:11:00.000-04:00

There's nothing that rhymes with 12. : ) I didn't sleep great but I feel better then yesterday.

12 days is so awesome. I'm moving in on 2 weeks. The 2nd week sure went faster then the first. I know I had a rough day yesterday but it really does get easier each day. It is such a sense of accomplishment. After smoking for 27 years I really didn't know if I could do it or not. If I can do it anyone can do it. I'm doing it!

I'll post more later.

One week, four days, 8 hours, 41 minutes and 7 seconds. 340 cigarettes not smoked, saving $85.21. Life saved: 1 day, 4 hours, 20 minutes.

Not a great day.

2005-09-07T00:18:00.000-04:00

This was the hardest day yet. It was just a very stressful day. The funny thing is it didn't make me want a cigarette it just made me cranky. I knew that having one would not make me feel better, probably worse. I just needed to get through the day. I'm glad it's almost over and no one got hurt. : )

When I leave in the morning for work and I don't get home until after 8 it makes for a very long day for me. No one knows that more then my husband but he's also smoking. I got home too late to make dinner and 5 minutes to get Brandon to guitar lessons. It's nothing tragic just normal every day stuff but I found it a little hard to take today. I can't chew anymore gum because my jaw hurts too bad. What a whinny baby. I just need to get over myself, get a good nights rest and start a new day. Well that sounds a little more pleasant. Too bad I don't really mean it. : )

Can you tell I've had a bad day? : )

Even still, I'm so happy to be not smoking. I walked a couple miles at lunch today and I'm still finding myself winded. There is no way in hell I can ever inhale another cigarette into these lungs, never, never, never.

I've had a few moments of congestion today but that seems to be getting a little better. I'll be glad when that's over. One thing I keep reading is that you have to have patience. I can't expect because I've quit for 11 days that everything is all better. It took 27 years to get these lungs like this and I think it might take a little more then 11 days to make them better. That's ok, I can wait. I feel a lot better and I'll continue not to smoke and the rest will come in time.

One week, three days, 22 hours, 43 minutes and 21 seconds. 328 cigarettes not smoked, saving $82.10. Life saved: 1 day, 3 hours, 20 minutes.

Who gets Emphysema? Please read!

2005-09-06T11:46:00.000-04:00

Persons with emphysema are, for the most part, males between 50 and 70 years old. Women get emphysema, too, but so far, not as often as men. However these statistics are changing as women are starting to smoke more, and at an earlier age. A very high percentage of the people who have emphysema smoke cigarettes and have been heavy smokers for many years. Frequently, they live in areas where air pollution is a constant problem.

http://www.lung.ca/diseases/emphysema.html

Emphysema or any lung disease is scary. The thought of not being able to breath properly for the rest of my life is just not an option to me. If we quit now we can drastically lessen our chances of breathing problems and lung disease. Quit with me now and lets breath together. I don't know about you but the pleasure of a cigarette is not worth more then the pleasure of breathing.

One week, three days, 10 hours, 11 minutes and 58 seconds. 312 cigarettes not smoked, saving $78.18. Life saved: 1 day, 2 hours, 0 minutes.

Day 11

2005-09-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

I've had a few more cravings the last couple of days. I'm not sure if it's because I was with Steve more and he was smoking or if it's because I wasn't posting in my blog. I definitely feel the need to post this morning.

We took the boat out in Narragansett bay this weekend and it was a great time. I spent a lot time with my Mother in-law which was very special to me. It's nice that we were both not smoking. That helped a lot.

I've been chewing a lot of non-nico gum. I had to take some motrin last night because my jaw hurt from chewing. I still feel it this morning so I'm just going to have to rough it with no gum for a few days while the soreness goes away and then just a few pieces of gum a day after that.

It's a little tougher this morning although I have no thoughts of smoking. I'm just a little more on edge. Hopefully after a few posts it will get easier again. No matter how hard it gets I will not smoke. I will not smoke I will not smoke.

I've been doing more sleeping then I have in years. I have to believe that it's from quitting smoking. The rest is good but I don't get as much time to get things done.

I was getting really cranky last night before bed. Not crazy cranky but cranky. I was tired I think and trying to get things done for the week and doing bills etc. Just everyday stuff. Maybe it was from having such a great weekend I didn't want it to be over. What ever the reason, there's going to be good days and bad. I haven't had very many bad so I should consider myself lucky.

My clogged throat is getting better. I still a few bad moments but it's really much better. I can feel that the congestion is almost gone when I take a deep breath. Sometimes it gets bad at night.

Yesterday I walked to CVS with my mother in-law and she said it's day 10 right and I said yes, I actually forgot. That's a good sign when I'm not thinking about it every single minute.

One week, three days, 9 hours, 0 minutes and 44 seconds. 311 cigarettes not smoked, saving $77.81. Life saved: 1 day, 1 hour, 55 minutes.

Days 9 and 10

2005-09-05T05:20:00.000-04:00

Double digits. That's awesome. I've a had a wonderful weekend and I wasn't able to post. I still have a lot to do but I thought I would post quickly so everyone didn't think I smoked. NO Way!

One week, two days, 15 hours, 52 minutes and 43 seconds. 289 cigarettes not smoked, saving $72.46. Life saved: 1 day, 5 minutes.

The Nicodemon

2005-09-04T02:07:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling good.

I just picked Brandon up from work and I'm getting ready to go to bed. He is so proud of me and I think he likes listening about my progress. I know that he will never smoke. He has watched me struggle with trying to quit for the last ten years. I really don't think he will ever pick one up. I'm so glad about that. I'm more then glad, I'm ecstatic.

I've haven't had any cravings since after dinner. Things are really going well. This is kind of silly but putting the patch on my ass has really helped in a way. I can remember in previous quits that I always had it on my arm somewhere and you're just always aware that it's there. Having it on my ass I completely forget that I even have it on. Ok, enough about my ass patch.

The people that we love and that love us:
It's so hard to think about it sometimes but if we really really think about what it does to the people we love if something would happen to us it will help with quitting. When my Mom died I completely fell apart. I have always considered myself a strong person and it appears that others view me that way as well. When my Mom died I wasn't strong. I found out just how weak I could be. I call it my melt down. I was off work for close to 2 months and I don't have a lot of memory of that time. We don't know how we will deal with something like that until it happens. Since then I have gone over and over and over again in my head how my children would react if something happened to me. It really keeps me from not wanting to smoke I think. The thought of my children feeling that pain would kill me which doesn't make a lot of sense because I would be dead. : ) I think you know what I mean though. So now I think about the other smokers that I love dearly and I hope and pray that they can find a way to beat this terrible demon. He's strong and ugly but he can be beat.

I don't want to lose anymore of my family due to this terrible addiction. I hope my blog helps them. I will keep posting forever if I have to until everyone I love quits smoking. I need them all in my life.

Sorry for the sad post. Sometimes it's easier to put these thoughts out of our heads and we never talk about them. I guess I'm different. I have to talk about them and this blog has allows me to do that.

Don't let this sad post keep you from coming back. I promise tomorrow I'll try and write something funny.

One week, one day, 35 minutes and 1 second. 240 cigarettes not smoked, saving $60.18. Life saved: 20 hours, 0 minutes.

All clogged up

2005-09-03T23:30:00.000-04:00

I should be calling this site "Tammy's Quit Smoking Clog". LOL It will pass I know it will. I'm embarrassed to say I slept most of the day. I don't usually sleep this much. This morning I got up at 8:30 after going to bed around midnight. I laid back down at 11:30 and I woke up at 5. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. I asked Steve why he didn't wake me up and his very clever response was because you were sleeping. : ) It felt good but it hasn't been a very productive day. That's ok, it'll be there tomorrow and I needed the rest.

Steve is exhausted so we'll probably pop in a movie and relax tonight and go to sleep fairly early (if I can). That nap was more like a nights sleep then a nap. I am rested that's for sure.

I heard of a couple more cancer stories today. It's really scary to think about how many people have and die from cancer. It's sad and scary. I am so glad I quit. Anything can happen to us whether it be cancer or something else. At least I know that I didn't make it happen because I continued to smoke.

I feel good today and still strong. I had a few cravings but they passed quickly. I had one after dinner again. I decided that as soon as I'm done eating I will go into my purse and get a piece of gum (not nico gum but regular gum). As soon as I did that the moment passed so that's my new routine for after I eat. All these little mind games help.

I talked Heather today. She was sooo happy to hear that I was on my 8th day. Even though she's 24 she still needs her Mom. I don't want to badger her about quitting but I'm going to start throwing little hints at her and see how they go over. She's so young and it will be so much easier for her and healthier if she quit now instead of waiting until she's 40. She lives about an hour and a half away so I don't want her to not call me because she doesn't want to hear me telling her to quit all the time. We'll see how it goes. She so busy she doesn't get on the computer much and I know she hasn't read my clog, I mean blog. I hope she does soon.

I'm going to go breathe some fresh air now. I love taking deep breaths. I noticed I can still feel some congestion deep down but that's probably why I'm clogged and coughing. Duh! : )

One week, 21 hours, 51 minutes and 8 seconds. 237 cigarettes not smoked, saving $59.33. Life saved: 19 hours, 45 minutes.

Day 8 and Feeling Great

2005-09-03T12:50:00.000-04:00

Actually I'm not feeling so great but I have a rhyming thing going on here and I didn't want to mess with it. : )

I don't feel like smoking but my throat is very very clogged. I know that will pass with time but it sucks. My cough almost sounds like a smoker this morning. I'm glad I'm not one. Even after only 8 days I consider myself a non-smoker. Should I call my self an ex-smoker? Probably but non-smoker sounds better. At least if someone asks me for a cigarette I can say "Sorry I don't smoke". : )

I got my high five from Brandon this morning although is was a little wimpy since he just woke up. I'll have to get a better one later.

I'm so happy to be not smoking. Other then the cough and clogged throat I don't have withdrawals. What is up with that anyway??? Maybe when I step down from the patch I'll get them, not that I want them.

Sometimes I still get that feeling like I don't need to stay on this patch for 6 weeks. Why do we try to rush it? After smoking for 27 years why would I think that I don't need the 10 weeks of patches? I am going to stick it out and when I get that feeling again I'll read this post to remind me to stay with the freakin program.

I have a lot to do today but I'm not ruling out a nap. When I stay rested every thing in my life is easier, everything.

It definitely sounds like there's a nap in my future.

I thought weeks would be harder for me but they're not. I really think that remembering what smoking does to a person is what really keeps me going.

There's a new women in the group that has smoked for 35 years. She now has asthma and is ready to quit. I'm glad I didn't wait until I had a health problem (that I know of).

I'm going strong and I really see it working this time.

One week, 11 hours, 16 minutes and 3 seconds. 224 cigarettes not smoked, saving $56.02. Life saved: 18 hours, 40 minutes.

1 Whole Week

2005-09-03T03:25:00.000-04:00

It's after 10:30 and that means it's more then one week. How exciting is that??? My throat is a little clogged but I still feel free and absolutely wonderful.

Since my blog was featured on about.com the hits I received are incredible. That's great. It actually makes me feel like all these people are reading my blog and I have to succeed.

I also received a comment from a woman named Ellen. It makes me feel so good that she was inspired by my blog and started her own. Please support Ellen and read her blog at http://livingsmokefree.blogspot.com .

Ellen, We're there for you girl. Put that patch on but promise me something??? You will never smoke with the patch on. It's dangerous.

The reality is we all have to quit smoking. Either we quit smoking or we know we will die from a smoking related disease. All we can do is hope that it's not the worst smoking related disease to die from. This is the message I left for Ellen on her blog. I wasn't trying to scare her but sometimes a reality scare helps. That's what helps me every day. Some times we just don't think about the reality of the situation. We may have a quick glimpse and then pretend that it can't happen to us. You know what??? It can. My Mother died, Ellen's Mother died and her Mother in-law is suffering. It happens all the time. We just need to hope that we quit soon enough. The only way to do that is quit now!!!

On a brighter note: It's Friday and Friday's are good. Especially when it's starting a long weekend. It's been a very long week and an even longer day. I'm very glad it's over. If I didn't smoke today I don't think I will ever smoke. I've had many cravings today but I've gotten through them.

I'm so tired, I need to go to bed. I'll post more in the morning.

One week, 1 hour, 55 minutes and 6 seconds. 212 cigarettes not smoked, saving $53.10. Life saved: 17 hours, 40 minutes.

Day 7 is like Heaven

2005-09-02T13:13:00.000-04:00

At 10:30 tonight it will be a full week. I can really breathe. I've smoked more then half my life and all of my adult life and I guess I really didn't know what it was like to really breathe.

It feels so good to be not smoking a whole week (almost). I feel free as an angel and light as a feather. Okay maybe that sounds little corny but it's really hard to find the words to express how I feel.

That's probably not the best Angel pic I could come up with but I thought it worked. She looks very free and confident to me.

That's how I feel today and it is a great feeling.

I have to get some work done now but I will post in a little while.

Six days, 11 hours, 42 minutes and 55 seconds. 194 cigarettes not smoked, saving $48.66. Life saved: 16 hours, 10 minutes.

Another Day Another Breath of Fresh Air

2005-09-02T00:10:00.000-04:00

That fresh air feels sooooo good. The 6th day is almost over and each day gets easier. I'm just trying to focus on the day instead of thinking about how I can't wait for a month, 6 months and years. It can get overwhelming. I don't desire cigarettes at all right now. I think I was so disgusted with them that I had just had enough. It was like I thought about quitting every single time I lit one. My cough was so disgusting and embarrassing I had to do something about it.

My mothers cough was the worst that I had ever heard anyone cough, ever! When I was at the doctor with her about 4 months before she died I couldn't believe it when he said her lungs sounded good. I wonder if her doctor would have said either you quit or you're going to die if she would have quit. I guess we'll never know.

I want to make a point of saying that my mother loved her doctor very much. He did a lot of good things for her and many many other people. I'm not criticizing him, I guess I just have a lot of questions.

Okay, back to my day - I really did great today. Very few cravings. I had one after I ate dinner but it passed quickly. Steve has been great about staying far away outside so smoke doesn't come in the windows. Even though he still smokes he wants me to succeed as bad as I do. There's no question in my mind, I am succeeding.

When my son said good night to me tonight he said "Congratulations on your 6th day Mom". He is such a good kid with a heart of gold. He still high fives me after making it another day.

All of these things help. My son's support and admiring me for what I'm doing. Support from my husband and siblings and my whole family. Missing my Mom. Reading articles about smoking statistics and what it does to your body. Reading success stories and stories with a sad ending. My writing has helped me more then I could ever have imagined. It's not very good writing but putting my thoughts on paper (or in this case PC) and reading them when I feel weak is a tremendous help to me. I never forget why I'm doing this and I don't have a lot of idle time. If I'm not working or doing errands or running Brandon to work or whatever, I'm writing. I also have support at work and that helps as well. There's a co-worker that has always been there for me. She was there when my Mom died and each time I try to quit smoking. She's has been a great support source for me at work.

Now let's all take a deep breath. Ready set GO.....Doesn't that feel good? Fresh air, it does a body good.

Five days, 22 hours, 39 minutes and 20 seconds. 178 cigarettes not smoked, saving $44.58. Life saved: 14 hours, 50 minutes.

Day 6

2005-09-01T11:10:00.000-04:00

I slept fairly well last night and feel good this morning.

I had my group last night and was pleased to tell them I quit smoking. There were several people that quit this week and a few that were smoking again. I don't ever want to report to them or anyone that I smoked a cigarette again. Especially my son.

I forgot to put my patch on this morning and ran like hell upstairs when I realized it. I slapped that baby on and I'm ready for another day.

I'm still amazed at how little withdrawal symptoms I'm having. I really don't understand it. I'm definitely not complaining but it's just so different then all the other times.

I'll be starting at the gym today at work. Now that I've quit smoking it's time to get those lungs and heart working again. I'm not going to push myself. I'll start slowly and work my way up. I feel the need to breathe as much as I possibly can. It just feels so good.

My Mother in-law is doing well and I'm so proud of her. She is going cold turkey. Not a fun way to do it. I really don't know if I could do it without the patch. We're hoping that after we quit for a while it will help my husband want to quit. I hope he's ready soon.

If anyone wants to read my blog from the very beginning click on the archive to the right of the page and scroll to the bottom. Starting the quit smoking blog is one of the best tools (besides the patch) that I've used. It reminds me every day why I'm doing this and what could happen if I don't quit.

I received an email from Terry Martin at about.come yesterday. She wanted to feature my blog on her web site. I was very honored that she wanted to put my blog out there. I have been reading that site for years as I've been trying to quit for years. The forum and stories are also a great tool. Check it out if you haven't already. http://quitsmoking.about.com/

I'm still feeling strong and so excited about making the 1 week mark tomorrow.

Five days, 9 hours, 32 minutes and 29 seconds. 161 cigarettes not smoked, saving $40.48. Life saved: 13 hours, 25 minutes.

5 full days and feeling great.

2005-09-01T01:45:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to post all day but work kept getting in my way. Don't they know I have a blog to write. I think I need to talk to management about that.

I had a few moments today but they past quickly. I learned something though. I don't just crave a cigarette when I eat or drive or I'm upset about something but also if something good happens. It must be like a reward myself thing, I'm not sure. That's happened to me twice today. At least good things are happening in my life and as long as I don't smoke I hope they keep happening.

My throat has been very clogged today but I got through my meeting ok.

My Mother in-law said something in an email today about her cousin that's a doctor and I told her I had to repeat it on my blog.

Quote: "Just read your last blog of Tuesday - I think it's interesting the count of money saved/hours of life saved. (Quit meter) It reminded me of something my cousin told me about patients that were terminally ill. How each moment of life was so precious - each meal was such a big moment and so important. How important it was to him to help them experience one more Christmas, one more birthday, one more day."

I thought that was very touching and very very sad at the same time. It reminds me how precious all our lives are. Why would we want to shorten them by smoking or risk cancer or emphysema. My personal fear is mouth, tongue or larynx cancer. Not a good way to go.

I've been thinking about my daughter a lot today too. She's 24 and she smokes. I can't help but believe that it's my fault. Had I not smoked while she was growing up she probably wouldn't be smoking today. I feel very guilty about that and I hope she's reading my blog and will quit some day soon. I love her very much and I want her to be healthy.

My first husband, her father, died of cancer when she was 14. It was the saddest thing I have ever seen. She loved her father very much and to watch him die in such a terrible way is nothing I would wish on anyone. While he was in a coma his father and I would take breaks and go outside to quickly smoke 3 or 4 cigarettes. While we were at my Mothers funeral dozens of people including myself gather outside the funeral home smoking. I can't get these images out of my head.

Our friend Richard showed up tonight. He's the one that buys our cigarettes from New Hampshire. I wished he would have called first because I would have told him that I want him to bring them over when my husband is home or he could go pick them up. It was not tempting to me at all but I don't want to pay him or have two cartons of cigarettes sitting there when he leaves. I was almost a little irritated but of course he was just doing us a big favor. It certainly isn't his fault. I put them in the garage which now I call the smoky dungeon. I don't even want to go in there and I hope Steve will quit some day.

Ok it's a very long post tonight. I'm making up for the day I guess. I'm happy to post my stats tonight.

Five days, 8 minutes and 2 seconds. 150 cigarettes not smoked, saving $37.54. Life saved: 12 hours, 30 minutes.

Good nigh and breathe well.

Day 5

2005-08-31T10:24:00.000-04:00

I got some sleep last night although not as much as I would have liked. At least I didn't wake up this morning completely exhausted.

No problems this morning with not smoking. I really haven't had many problems at all especially considering the problems I've had trying to quit before. I'm not even going to think if I could do it without the patch. Those suckers are going on every morning.

I had a lot of smoking dreams last night and I woke up feeling guilty.

I don't have any more problems with the patch sticking. They say once you find THE spot it'll always stick and of course mine is on my ass.

Four days, 8 hours, 51 minutes and 25 seconds. 131 cigarettes not smoked, saving $32.77. Life saved: 10 hours, 55 minutes.

That's amazing - almost 4 and a half days and I would smoked 131 cigarettes.

Here I go again.

2005-08-31T02:33:00.000-04:00

Not sleeping. I read many times that insomnia can be a withdrawal symptom. That was one symptom I was hoping to avoid. I've had enough insomnia to last me a life time and I was really sleeping so well after the struggles I had with it after my Mom died. It's still something I'm just going to have to deal with because I'm not smoking. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad.

It's been 4 full days. It seems a lot longer then that. It's not because it's so difficult. I think it's just because I'm counting the minutes. The quit meter is good as long as you're not watching it all the time.

School starts tomorrow. A sign that fall is coming. I like when things start getting back to the normal routine.

I really had a pretty easy time today. A couple rough moments but really not that bad. Steve came home and kissed me and the smell was hard to take. I think I'm just a little sensitive to it right now and my sense of smell is returning. I can't believe how much different things smell and how bad cigarette smell is. Brandon and I went to dinner after shopping tonight and there were a bunch of people smoking right outside the door. That was me 5 days ago. The smell was gross. I thought it would smell good and make it hard for me but that wasn't the case at all.

Tomorrow is day 5. It seems like 50. Once I pass a week it won't seem so bad. I have a busy day and night tomorrow. That's good I guess but if I don't fall asleep soon it's not going to be so good.

Four days, 1 hour, 2 minutes and 31 seconds. 121 cigarettes not smoked, saving $30.32. Life saved: 10 hours, 5 minutes.

Good Night.

I forgot to post my stats

2005-08-30T17:20:00.000-04:00

Three days, 15 hours, 49 minutes and 54 seconds. 109 cigarettes not smoked, saving $27.44. Life saved: 9 hours, 5 minutes.

Almost 4 days! Wahoo!

Smoke Free

2005-08-30T16:56:00.000-04:00

I'm still smoke free and doing ok today. I went back to bed this morning and slept for a couple hours and came in a little late. I felt so much better. I have a hard time functioning when I don't get enough sleep and I'm afraid it will make it harder not to smoke. I'm doing fine though. A few cravings but I can handle them.

The first thing Brandon says when I get home everyday is "Did you smoke". I am always so happy to say no. He really does not want me to smoke anymore and I don't blame him.

It's almost September and I'm ready for fall. That my favorite season.

I can't wait until my first week is up. It's going very quickly. I have my quit smoking group tomorrow night. I'll be glad to report that I quit smoking.

I'm coughing a little today. If I remember right it gets a lot worse then this. I'm looking forward to the day where I don't even think about it anymore and that not smoking is just a way of life. I promise I won't be one of those obnoxious ex-smokes. They are worse then the people that have never smoked. I know Steve is happy about that. I wouldn't have wanted someone to bitch at me to quit and I won't do that to my husband although I really hope he does someday.

No one could have ever made me quit smoking when I wasn't ready. My Mom said for years that she would never quit smoking. I never asked her to I just told her I wish she would cut down because I was worried about her health. It's hard to lecture someone when you smoke also. I knew that my Mom's smoking wasn't good but no matter how much we all loved her and wanted her to be here with us we could not make her quit smoking and the same goes for any one else. I want my husband to quit smoking because I worry about his health as I did my own. I hope he is ready to quit soon.

Day 4

2005-08-30T09:29:00.000-04:00

I didn't sleep well last night so I'm very tired this morning. I have so much to do at work and a lot to do after work. It's very important for me to get enough rest. I feel awful right now. Maybe I can get out of work a little earlier and take a little snooze.

I'm excited to be on day 4 though.

I'll post more later.

Three days, 7 hours, 59 minutes and 29 seconds. 99 cigarettes not smoked, saving $24.99. Life saved: 8 hours, 15 minutes.

Almost 3 full days - Yahoo!

2005-08-29T22:30:00.000-04:00

At 10:30 it will 3 full days and I'm not having any problems. I will not let this give me a false sense of security about quitting though. No matter how good I feel or how easy it seems I am going through the 10 week patch program. I hear that's one of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking they don't need the patch anymore. I think I'm on this one for 3 weeks before I step down to the next level. I'll have to check on that.

It feels so good and I feel proud of myself as corny as that sounds. After 27 years and 8 tries to quit I think this is the one baby.

I probably shouldn't be so sure of myself after only 3 days. A couple times I quit I made it like 8 or 10 weeks or something like that. This time is different but I don't want to get too confident. That's when it sneaks up and grabs you by the ass. Wham, you're sucking on swamp gas again. So I'm still taking it one day at a time and staying focused.

I keep reminding myself about losing my mother. How I felt like an orphan at 42. How devastated my children were and the fact that I was hoping for another 20 years with her. How my siblings and I were completely heartbroken and I truly could not grasp the fact that my Mom was gone forever. I'm not naive, I know that everyone is going to die someday, that's just part of life. I do however think that trying to live a healthier life can give us more time with the people we love. My Moms death was sudden. Completely unexpected and it knocked me to hell and back.

I'm doing this for my Mom and my family that I love dearly and for myself.

Two days, 21 hours, 0 minutes and 29 seconds. 86 cigarettes not smoked, saving $21.56. Life saved: 7 hours, 10 minutes.

My Throat is starting to clog.

2005-08-29T17:10:00.000-04:00

As gross as it is it's part of the process. It just reminds me that my lungs are trying to heal. I have to present at a meeting on Wednesday and I really hope my throat isn't too bad. I hate doing that anyway and I certainly don't want to be self conscious about clearing my throat.

I'm staying strong though and feeling really good. I love seeing those minutes rack up on the quit meter. A quit meter is something that you install on your PC and it tracks your time since you have quit and the money that you have saved, how many cigarettes you haven't smoked and the amount of your life that you've saved. I pasted a screen shot of the meter that I use. There's many available.

Still doing great.

2005-08-29T14:36:00.000-04:00

I've had a few cravings at work but really not too bad. I'm happy about that. I think it's raining out.

Never Again:

Never again do I have to be anxious about the weather and how I'm going to go out and smoke.
Never again do I have to come back in with my hair wet and sticky from the rain and hair spray.
Never again do I have feel uncomfortable when someone sees me out there in a snow storm and an umbrella looking like an idiot.
Never again do I have to stand out there while my nose hairs are frozen so I can have a sickening cigarette.
Never again do I have to rush to the bathroom before a meeting and wash my hands and rinse my mouth and hope that no one in there can smell the smoke on me.
Never again do I have to feel like if I don't quit smoking it's going to kill me.
Never again will I be talking with someone and start hacking my brains out and clear my throat.

Now I can Breathe:

Now I can Breathe Again.
Now I can smell like a woman is supposed to smell.
Now I can kiss my son good night and he doesn't turn his head because I know he smells the rotten stench of what smells like a dirty ashtray.
Now I can fly without feeling like I'm going to have an anxiety attack before we land and I can have another gross, disgusting, foul smelling cigarette.
Now I don't have to feel like I might die from this and leave my children without a mother.
Now I feel like I will be here to enjoy and have enough breath to play with my future grandchildren.
Now I can live

Two days, 13 hours, 3 minutes and 23 seconds. 76 cigarettes not smoked, saving $19.08. Life saved: 6 hours, 20 minutes.

Struggling a little this morning but not too bad.

2005-08-29T10:30:00.000-04:00

Since this is the first work day since I stopped smoking I think it's just the routine thing. It's not too bad but I am noticing more cravings this morning.

My lungs feel good. I can't believe how easy this has been. I don't think it's because of the patch because I've used it several times before when quitting and it wasn't easy. I guess they are right when they say 90% of it is up here (pointing to my brain). : )

I hope it goes as well at work today.

Day 3

2005-08-29T09:48:00.000-04:00

I'm doing well. Im not smoking and sleeping like a freakin baby. Things are starting to smell and taste different. My coffee tastes totally different in the morning.

What a great feeling to be not smoking after sooooo many years.

Two days, 8 hours, 17 minutes and 8 seconds. 70 cigarettes not smoked, saving $17.59. Life saved: 5 hours, 50 minutes.

Still going strong

2005-08-28T22:42:00.000-04:00

One day, 21 hours, 2 minutes and 58 seconds. 56 cigarettes not smoked, saving $14.07. Life saved: 4 hours, 40 minutes.

almost 2 days. The only time I crave a cigarette is when something gets a little stressful. It's not enough to smoke a cigarette but I can feel that craving at that time. Luckily it passes quickly.

I do worry that if a very stressful situation happens how I will handle it. Hopefully not with smoking. I should come up with a plan before something comes up either at work or home. I'll have to think about that one. Maybe that's when I'll have a piece of gum.

I'm feeling good, very little coughing but I know the cough will get worse at some point. I was very tired today for some reason. I didn't get lot done and I'm not happy about that. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel on the 2nd day of quitting smoking. Is it normal to nap a lot or should I be just staying busy and working like a dog. Who knows, I do know that nap today was pretty darn good. : )

I am sooooo excited to not be smoking.

I will never ever ever have another cigarette.

Brandon is so excited too. He'll come into the den and I'll say I'm on my second day and he gives me a high five. Just the happy look on his face because I told him I will never smoke again is priceless. I can't disappoint him or myself.

Getting Lots of Rest.

2005-08-28T17:05:00.000-04:00

After my last post I went to go do some work and I laid down and fell asleep and took a 3 hour nap. I love those kind of naps. It's pretty easy to get through the withdrawal when you're napping. Unfortunately I can't take a month long nap. : )

Actually I am very surprised at how well I'm doing. Really not a lot of cravings or withdrawal symptoms. I hope it stays this easy.

I have a little bit of coughing but that's really not bad either.

I am just so ready.

One day, 15 hours, 35 minutes and 23 seconds. 49 cigarettes not smoked, saving $12.37. Life saved: 4 hours, 5 minutes.

I Feel Free

2005-08-28T12:58:00.000-04:00

It's such a good feeling to not have cigarettes control me even though it's just the 2nd day. Addiction is such a controlling thing and I don't like not having control over my own life. It took me 27 years to do it but I will not let this thing control me ever again. I know I'm still on the patch of course but for now at least it's on my ass instead of swamp gas and formaldehyde going into my lungs and it's only for 10 weeks.

I got a nice encouraging email from my brother John. It makes me feel good that he is so supportive. He said that Mom would be so proud of me and even just that would be enough to keep me going.

My mother in-law and I are supporting each other and it helps. She said she reads the blog every day and it helps her. I like that it helps. It helps me when I write it and her when she reads it. She struggling on her 2nd day but she's going cold turkey. I can't do that, I wish I could. We can both do it I know we can.

My body is sore from so much work yesterday. I am sooooo out of shape. I'm going to get right back to it though and I'm hoping to run on the treadmill today. I use a portable DVD player and slide it in the magazine rack on the treadmill and put the head phones on. I really enjoy it (sometimes). I subscribe to netflix and it's great. I watch a movie and throw it in the mail. While I'm watching the other one a new one comes. Today I have a choice of 21 grams with Sean Penn (I love Sean Penn) or the Ice storm which could be a little sad.

Back to work.

Day Two.

2005-08-28T10:49:00.000-04:00

I slept well, I was very afraid of not sleeping. I don't feel any bad withdrawal symptoms. Actually I feel pretty darn good. I'm not coughing or clearing my throat. Life is good. : )

One day, 9 hours, 18 minutes and 56 seconds. 41 cigarettes not smoked, saving $10.41. Life saved: 3 hours, 25 minutes.

The day is over

2005-08-28T01:52:00.000-04:00

Finally! It's been more then 24 hours and I'm anxious to go to bed and have this day behind me. I'm going to shower and hit the hay. My Mom must have been looking over me today because it wasn't easy.

One day, 21 minutes and 59 seconds. 30 cigarettes not smoked, saving $7.61. Life saved: 2 hours, 30 minutes.

It actually says one day!!!!!

Still going strong.

2005-08-27T23:15:00.000-04:00

21 hours, 34 minutes and 22 seconds. 26 cigarettes not smoked, saving $6.74. Life saved: 2 hours, 10 minutes.

Almost a full day since I've had a cigarette. No matter how I felt today it was never enough to want to have a cigarette. I hope it lasts. I don't want to ever smoke again.

I get these very quick cravings. It's almost like this feeling comes over me but it passes very quickly. I'm on my third patch today. This one went on my hip and it's staying on. I'll have to make sure Nancy knows about it.

The guys are watching the race (NASCAR) and eating dinner (Pot roast and veggies) so I have the evening to myself. More housework. Fun!

I hope I can sleep tonight.

What I'm really enjoying is a deep breath. When I have a rough moment I think of my Mom. I miss her so much. It's been 5 months and I still wonder what I'm going to do without her. There's no one in this world like your Mom. That makes me think that's what my children would think if anything happened to me. OK, enough sadness. I know she's looking over me and giving me the strength to quit smoking and be here for my kids and grandkids(someday). 42 seems way too young to be a grandmother but I find myself hoping that I'll have one some day soon. I should have had another baby. Could I actually handle 20 more years??? Naw, grand kids sound so much better.

Ok, I promised myself that I would stick to quit smoking issues.

We got so much work done on the house today. I should have quit smoking the day we moved in. I can remember going to the doctors with my Mom in November and he asked me if I had any concerns. I said I'm very worried about her fatigue. She is tired all the time. He said it's because she smokes too much. Looking back there was a lot more reasons for the fatigue but I'm sure that smoking will cause it as well. I've had a lot more energy today. I don't know if not smoking is giving me energy or if I'm just edgy and uptight as a withdrawal symptom. Either way as I exercise more my energy should come back.

This is a long post but it keeps my fingers busy. Back to work!

I'm feeling better.

2005-08-27T20:06:00.000-04:00

I talked to John and we laughed a lot and he made me feel better, (Thank you John). I also got back to work and feel a lot better.

My patch is falling off but I'm not going to bitch about that. Nancy does enough of that for both of us. I just need to find the right place and I'm peeling very very bad from the sunburn at Wendy's after the reunion so that limits my patch spots. This is the 2nd one I've had on today. Tomorrow it's going on my ass. LOL.

18 hours, 37 minutes and 10 seconds. 23 cigarettes not smoked, saving $5.82. Life saved: 1 hour, 55 minutes.

I'm starting to freak out a little but nothing I can't handle.

2005-08-27T17:41:00.000-04:00

I tried laying down but that didn't help. I'm very tired though. I have to just get myself moving. I'm getting a little cranky with Steve and he asked me if I wanted him to help me work or go for a motorcycle ride. I told him to go for a ride.

Brandon's at work and Steve went for a ride so now I can just be cranky with my self. I feel like kicking something. Maybe I'll just bitch slap myself. LOL

My lungs feel good though and I have no desire to smoke.

16 hours, 11 minutes and 57 seconds. 20 cigarettes not smoked, saving $5.06. Life saved: 1 hour, 40 minutes.